fin

the party is done, it was a hit...i got a standing ovation via the speaker phone yesterday from a full department  it was awesome.  what i found, is that it's hard to have a party with 650 people and see and hang out with everyone that you wanted to.  i wish i would have taken pictures, but i didn't want to walk around with a honkin' camera and have everyone think that i was hired to take pictures.   :)

the tablecloths were fuzzy hot pink, green, and silver...they were awesome. the theme was a "candyland" theme.  we had a candy bar, stocked with chocolate Crocs....the cutest things ever.  the buffets were scattered, and that was the one thing I would have done differently.  they were all over the first floor of the hotel, so you'd turn a corner and lo and behold, more food that you may have missed, had you not wandered over in that direction. 

 the photobooths were a blast.  i loved them, you could go in as many times as you wanted...so we did.  we didn't have fun or anything.....

it's almost over

actually a lot of things...the end of the year, my holiday party, the end of t and my second year of being married.  :)

but, i'll admit, when i started this, i was referring to my holiday party.  so, when i started work, the second day i was there, i was asked to help out with this party.  there was a committee already in place, but since i was familiar with the area, i was to help out and get involved. first we started with no budget, and by that, i mean not a lot at ALL.  then it expanded in the past couple months to a substantial one.  we all had different ideas of what it should look like, some better than others (the little people dancing in shoes idea, should never, ever come up again), but it's finally all come together.  in the past month or so, we had a wonderful corporate planner help us, and she really put the finishing touches on everything and was amazing. 

now, i'm just stuck waiting til friday.  the only thing that stinks is having to get ready at the hotel and meet t at the party, as i won't have time to go home and get ready.  i'd like to bring my big camera, as i'm sure i've never seen the likes of this before, so i just might.  i'm also excited for saturday, when the craziness will be OVER! 

our little computer mouse

this is our little girl mouse that we've had the longest and who is the sweetest thing EVER.  she is adorable and is getting old..after $100 vet bill for a $2.00 mouse last week, you can see how much we think of her.  she's not dead....just napping on the hot keyboard.  i thought this was adorable, even if you don't like mice.

whew, i'm glad that's over with

we went to a party a few weeks ago at someone's house.  it was a great party, lots of food, fun people, but the only downside that i saw, was that there was basically only hard liquor to drink.  SCARY!  it WAS a "martini" party, but let me tell you, with all vodka...things got out of control REALLY fast.  People were nuts, spilling drinks, spanking people, falling over, hitting people in the head...it was all quite funny and even more so if you weren't drinking that much. 

anyway, towards 10p.m. i walked out of the bathroom and the hostess was screaming at the host.  i believe he had just fallen on the floor after sitting on numerous people on a couch.  pretty harmless, i thought.  but that's me.  he followed her into the kitchen to quietly talk and she proceeded to yell at him some more.  let me tell you, you have never seen a place clear out so quickly in your life.  it was amazing. 

to me, it's never appropriate to yell at someone...but especially not in a public venue.  i don't understand how people don't get embarrassed by creating a scene.  when someone causes a scene it's almost embarrassing to ME! 

your thoughts???

the tree

we had a dilemma...to put a tree up or not.  last year, we didn't due to my surgery.  this year, i don't think we would have, but t's mom is coming next weekend and we felt the need to be festive.  all in all, we are glad we did.  i put up the tree, the christmas village, and various other things, but it makes it nice to come home to.  just try to get me to take it down before march this year! 

the solution

i had retreated into my old world for a while, of counting calories...and the hungrier i got, the more i counted.  it's the way my head works.  t knew i was having some issues with this and while maybe not comprehending fully, he found an action plan that has worked. 

Image via Wikipedia

on my old path of working myself to death (which I'm still doing), i didn't eat breakfast, and most times, didn't have time to eat lunch.  that means, I would get home, starving and intake about 500 caloires all at once, then go to bed.  funny thing was, i wasn't losing weight. 

tony pulled up a website on a kitchy eating renovation plan online.  i'll admit, when i first heard about it, i thought he was crazy.  it was all infomercially, but on a lower budget.  what it turned out to be was an eating plan and not an unmanageable one.  what i found out was that i was intaking less than 1/3 of the calories that i needed in a day, hence causing my body to grab onto every fat cell known to man and hold on to them for dear life. 

on this plan, it doesn't have you count calories and i am STUFFED, most of the time.  t can use it, even with his food allergies because it is wholly modifiable.  it doesn't involve any protein powders or shakes, only real food and most importantly, deals with the glycemic index, which is how we regulate our blood sugar. 

i've been doing it for two days now...i'm doing a 14 day start to the program and it's going well.  i'm following it to a T, because i want to see if it really works.  the only thing that is somewhat hard, is no white bread, and really not really wheat bread, but you do get to have sprouted grain bread, which really is so good anyway, i never have missed the former. 

i'm drinking boatloads of water, reduced my sugar intake by crazy amounts, will not touch a diet coke again after learning what aspartame does to our liver, and am actually feeling pretty good. 

and lo and behold, two pounds have come off so far!!!

you'll have to forgive me...

since i had 4 days off, i decided apparently to shut down to life of any kind.  i rarely touched my computer, unless it had to do with a mindless computer game that i was playing "because i could". 

i was expecting this break to get me motivated and back on track.  it didn't do that.  it's a tough case.  I don't know if it's the working two jobs thing that is getting to me, or the actual job itself.  i'm not sure.  i'm thinking that it may be the two jobs thing.  i was banned from one job last week, due to my mother feeling like, if the one job wouldn't let me have time off for feeling bad, then she was going to make it mandatory that i be off on her watch.  it made life easy....er.  it wasn't great, but it was easier. 

we did the turkey trot on Thursday.  This is the one that we've done for three years now.  it was a good time and we all agreed, our best race yet.  it was a longer, 4 mile one, so it paved the way for some good thanksgiving eating this year at mom and dads!

we were going to sign up for another Chirstmas 4 miler, but to be honest, the cold may get to us.  it's HARD to get up and go run a race in 15 degree weather and to be honest, not something i really want to do on a regular basis.  so, well see.

we happened upon a website yesterday and t just had to show me.  it was a weight loss site, but he was really impressed by it, so i figured i had to watch.  i'm not all for gimmicky things...o.k., o.k., maybe i bought a steam shark, as seen on TV.  or maybe i've bought one or two things that you see on infomercials, but i've never bought them off the informercials...does that count?  anyway, this woman, who is a nutritionist had an eating plan on there that was amazingly honest and truthful.  it coordinated everythign that i believed in, along with some things that i knew in my head (like diet coke is NOT a food group).  it had to do with liver toxicity and the amount of toxins we put in our bodies and what our bodies do with that.  it had to do with clean eating and it enforced the idea that has been lingering in my head that i've been eating too little to lose weight.    Case in point, i ate like a PIG this weekend and lost weight. 

anyway, it was super cheap, we got all the materials immediately and seriously, was probably one of the best investments i've made.  the only thing is that you have to prepare ahead of time...this is tough, as i hardly have enough hours in the day to breathe, let alone plan breakfast, lunch, and two snacks. we'll see how it goes.  i'm really excited. 

unconditional

i was thinking about what people strive for when they have children?  or what they strive for when they so desire a relationship?  what is it that drives us to these things, that may or may not be in the cards for us? 

i personally think that it's the want/need for unconditional love.  you may have this with your siblings, but since i don't have siblings, i think that i've always been looking for it.  i know that my parents will not be around forever, and with them, goes my notion of being unconditionally loved by someone. 

this is not to discredit my marriage at all.  there are things, however, that my parents would put up with and love me unconditionally through, that i wouldn't expect any spouse to do under any circumstances. 

i think that people have children with this same wish and i can't say that it's a thought in my head when i think of the pros and cons of having children.  it's a lonely prospect thinking of life without the two people that have been with you through everything and then some.  the idea of bringing in a life to share this same experience with is definitely appealing to me for some of these reasons.  i wonder if i'd have those same thoughts if i had siblings? 

relief!!!

so, this week has really been horrible.  i didn't get treated correctly for the kidney infection and ended up back in urgent care for 2 hours the other night.  luckily, this doctor was really competent and great.  i'm going to be on meds for a week and then hopefully, it'll all be better.  in the midst of this, i've been working about 2-3 hours overtime a day, not getting a lunch break and not being very happy.  what made it even more not happy is that i realized that in order to ever catch up, i would have to work this weekend. 

the job isn't one that can just wait.  things have to get done and it's not a matter of putting it off for a day or so.  we hired 200 new employees in 5 days and we had to process them all if they wanted to be functional employees for this holiday season. 

i think that things could have been done differently about it, so that is frustrating. 

but, all in all, i worked about 5 hours today, then got to come home. 

FINALLY, i got to get my computer looked at, as my mouse isn't working on it.  i found out that i'd have to complete do a restore on my computer....SCARY!!!!  i hope that does the trick though...i'm spoiled, but using the touchpad is driving me batty!!!  i stepped into TJMAXX and didn't buy a thing, which was great.  we registered for the ft. collins turkey trot, which we've done for the past two years.  our friend is coming up to do it with us this year, then we're heading over to mom and dad's for thanksgiving.

i cannot tell you how incredibly excited i am that i'll have 5 days off at the end of this week.  i have never needed it more than i do this week....very greatful!!! 

mish mash

so, this week started out with a bang...or more distinctly, a kidney infection.  no kidding.  it was so sudden on 10p.m. sunday, i headed out to walgreens to get some of that stuff that makes you pee orange so that I could make it through the night.  

i went to the doc the next day and he was SO nice.  he explained that yes, it was a UTI that was climbing in my kidneys, that my blood pressure was elevated, so we'd need to check it again...that he would give me many refills for this prescription, so that I may take it if it happened again....that he would send the sample to be cultured so that he could get me on the most effective medicine ever.  turns out none of these things happened.

two days later, it hurt to walk...nothing was better.  so i called the urgent care place and explained this and asked what my culture had shown.  "what culture?  there wasn't ever one ordered." she said.  i explained that on my discharge paperwork, it clearly stated that one had been ordered and that i would hear from them.  well...apparently mister nice doctor had some memory issues that day and forgot to follow up on all THREE THINGS!

so, i found myself in the urgent care, once again....for two hours this time, but with a wonderful doctor that was amazing and put me on the right track.  this remids me, however, that i need to find a doctor in the city i live in...not the city i work in, that is 45 minutes away. 

in the midst of this, we're training for a 4 mile run on thanksgiving!  We're doing the Fort Collins Turkey Trot!  It's been our tradition for three years now and I love it!!!

work is hectic, like unbelievably so.  I'm finding myself having to go home, with so many things undone, i can't believe it.  i put on a lunchtime speaker thing yesterday.  it was comical. the woman that came in was to talk about healthy eating throughout the holidays.  what came across however, was the fact that she was a very angry person who thinks that everything is poison.  we'll just say her delivery turned a lot of people off...but her product lured people in.  most everyone signed up for an appointment with her, including me!  i'll update you on how that goes next week. 

I'm thinking that i need to get some Vibrams.  i know....i've talked about them forever....but i'm feeling the needs for them now. 

that's all for now. 

technical difficulties...

i'm sorry that i've changed my page design, oh, about 3 times in the past three days.  it likely won't stay where it is now either. 

i have a fear of blog page commitment.  i'll admit it.  it is HARD for me to go a month or two without changing it up.  it's like a primal need to change the look of my page. 

i'm trying to make it to the weekends, when i have some time to look great templates up and really create something amazing.  i promise...i'll do it.  but until then, it may look different each time you show up!

the other morning...

you may wonder what these three things have in common.  until the other morning, i had no idea either.  luckily, it came together into a fantastic way to start the day. 

yesterday morning, i was leaving to go to work.  i think it was around 5 a.m., so it was still very dark out.  i drove about a block and realized that i didn't have my phone.  after swearing a bit, i turned around, and started back home.  my headlights shone on a person running.  my first thought was, "who the hell runs at 5 a.m in the dark, they must be insanely hooked...or crazy?"  secondly, i'm still looking at this person and they have THE WORST form i have ever seen.  what made it this way, is that they weren't using their arms....at all.  my headlights were only shining on their bottom half, but i could still see that their arms weren't anywhere NEAR their waist.  second thought, "why would someone, who had no running form whatsoever, be up at 5 a.m. running?" 

lastly, i looked at the person's clothes.  they were wearing their freakin' underware.  i'm not kidding.  i'm glad i didn't plow into the neighbor's car parked on the street, but at this point, i was almost scared in my own car and couldn't wait to get home and tell t what i had just witnessed...crazy bastard running.

i got to where i was pretty much side by side with this lunatic and realized that this, ladies and gentlemen, was my husband.

 he was running, brushing his teeth, with my phone in his hand, holding it out, shoulder height, so that i could see it. 

t, thank you for my phone, but more importantly, thank you for the visual.  i hate to say that i will likely be telling this story for years. 

weighty issue

i have heard so many stories lately about this topic that i just feel very compelled to speak about it.  it's a vulnerable one for me and i know, for a lot of people out there. 

weight. 

it's been the bane of my existance since college....even when it didn't need to be. in college, i had an eating disorder.  it consisted of, to put it literally...not eating.  it was not about what i weighed...i looked fine at the time, but it was also what was going on in my head that would end up being either the thing that turned me around or killed me.  i was down to 80 something pounds, i felt like crying every second of every day, my heart rate was so low, that they finally put me in a hospital, and i finally knew what it mean in life to be hopeless.  truely. 

it took work to get out of that.  and by work, probably the hardest work that i've ever had to do.  have you ever tried retraining a brain...not an easy task.  but i did, and lived a healthy life, until the ex came in the picture.  i think i weighed a healthy 120 pounds.  for some reason, any little mention of losing weight, made me think that i needed to jump on the bandwagon and, what the heck....Atkins diet sounded "fun" at the time.  my ex thought that since he was doing it, i should (for WHAT?)  and like a moron, i did it.

yeah, not so fun when you go off of it and gain and gain.  i put on a lot of weight, sometimes eating barely anything at all....and finally, after leaving the ex, it literally melted off.  i worked out and at normally, and it all came off. 

fast forward to a year ago.  i had put on some weight...nothing astronomical, but it was a bell that went off in my head...i didn't want to get back to where i was and get panicked to lose weight and do unhealthy things to get rid of it quickly.  so, i got my body bugg.  it's awesome.  it has allowed me to lose about 17 pounds in the past few months.  in the beginning it allowed me to see exactly what i was burning on a day that i was working out, and a day when i was not....if you think i don't know the calories of things from my previous days, you would be mistaken, so i would just do a simple equation, or more accurately, the bodybugg does, and voila! 

for some reason, with this new system, i have not thought about calories as much.  maybe because the bugg is doing it for me?  i don't know...it freed my mind for a while. 

i was having breakfast with my friend this weekend and we were talking about a variety of things involving her husband and she made a comment that three months after she had given birth to their baby, her husband told her that he was "disappointed that she had not lost all her baby weight by that point"  it infuriated me to hear that, because she looks fantastic.  then i realized how deeply that this had gone with her.  this was 2 years ago that this was said.  she was devastated that this had been said and carried it with her now.   was it motivating to her to lose weight....not in any way.  did it break her down a little...yes. 

i started realizing the difference in the way that men and women process comments about weight.  and maybe its not men and women, but maybe it's more of a difference in the way someone has processed issues with weight in the past. 

when i have been consistently losing weight and someone says something to effect when i tell them all the activity i do, "why is it not coming off faster"....not motivating to me.  in my head, unlike maybe a lot of other people's, i automatically go to the place of desparation.  "they are right, why am i not doing this faster?"  when someone comments that a 90 pound person could be really cute...it fires off in my head as "yes, that's true", discounting the fact that when i was at that point, i felt like i was the most miserable person in the world and that my heart wasn't functioning properly. 

i don't know why my body does or does not do things....i'm not sure.  t asks why it is that when i start working out a lot, why i gain a lot of muscle and therefore gain weight....i don't know.  if i could stop it, knowing what goes on in my head about weight, don't you think that i would?   the fact that my bones are way more brittle now than they should be....not cute. 

on the right is what 80 pounds looks like....not cute. and oh, not to mention that this is what killed her. that is definitely not cute. so when i hear comments like that, be it from anyone, man/woman, child or adult....it makes my insides want to scream. because you have no idea what it takes to get away from that and at times i wonder if i ever WILL be away from it. and if you don't get away from it, your other option is death.

when i think about this issue, i wonder what has triggered other people.  it was one of my main focuses in working in the schools...i had never had someone say something to me in schools, but you cannot even imagine the things that people say to kids now.  and it's NOT just the kids....adults can be mean too. 

if you are someone that hasn't had issues with weight (and i don't believe there are many out there), please think about what you say.  to the majority of people that i know, it likely affects them differently than it would affect you. don't be flippant about it....because the chances are that the person you are talking to will not just let a comment go, if they've had any issues like this in their life and research states the majority of people have.  comments are sometimes hurtful, even though we are not intending them to be that way. 

the dream

well, i had to refrain from letting everyone know what was going on, until i knew what was actually going on myself. 

i had a job offer last week.  as cool and awesome as this company is, i am going to refrain from taking it.  i just don't think that it's the right position for me at this time.  i LOVE where i work now and absolutely love the people there, and there are chances to excel in many different ways there....so for now, the best move for me, is to stay there. 

i would ask myself if this was purely a non-financially motivated decision, what would i do?  but there really is no reason to stress about it, because where i am right now...it is.  it is what it is and i'm making the best decision for me right now! 

and that, my friends, i am THRILLED about. 

about to crap my pants

i know, classy, right?  but, it's really what i'm feeling right now...no, not literally, but my insides feel like they need to be on my outsides right now.

remember that whole pursuing dreams and passions thing?  well, let's just say, i took that and ran with it.  i'm going to find out an answer today to a question that has been in the works for at least the past month.  it's been nagging on me, i think it's contributed to my anxiety...but mostly because i may need to make a decision on a very risky proposition.  one that could give me great joy, but incur great risk at the same time

i'll be back later to update you on the situation!

the house of dreams

we've had some weird happenings in our house lately.  dreams are the main cause of it.  and when i say weird, i mean WEIRD.  t had one the other night that was SO bizarre, i'm not really going to even mention what it was on here.  i dream some weird stuff, but his topped mine by leaps and bounds and i'm not even going to get into analyzing the dream. 

First off, let me tell you a bit of reality.  we go to sleep with the T.V. on and it's on a timer that was set to turn off the T.V at 12 a.m.  it's been this way for years.  we've gone through power outages, etc. and it's always worked, we never have had to change or reset this. well, on Halloween, our power went out...for some reason, since this time, our t.v. hasn't been turning off at it's set time. t set it up again the night before last and it still wasn't working, therefore t.v. on all night.

Image via Wikipedia 

last night, i had this dream that i was interviewing for a job.  the issue was is that it was at a famous hotel in our area.  you may have heard of the Stanley Hotel?  it's the one in Estes Park that was the impetus for Stephen King to write The Shining when he stayed in some specific room and was motivated to write the story.  it's a beautiful hotel. when Juni and her hubs were here, we did the fake ghost tour while there and have vowed to go back when they come out for a trip, to do the overnight ghost trip stay.

so, anyway, i went through many, many interviews with various people at the stanley.  i kept asking them over and over again if the hotel was really haunted, and kept getting the same answer, "it is, but they rarely bother us".  this was so disturbing to me, i cannot tell you.  throughout the dream, i saw various pictures that people had taken in the hotel over the past week that had floating people, feet, shoes, etc.    i looked out the window at one point and there were people falling from clouds into a lake that the hotel was on (it's NOT on a lake).  all in all, i couldn't decide on what to do.  it (working at the Stanley) had been my dream, but i just couldn't get past the ghosts and the horrible feeling that i had the second i walked in there for my interviews. 

i woke up, and still had my eyes closed and i literally couldn't open them...i felt like someone was watching me.  it was awful and paralyzing.  i finally bit the bullet and ran to the shower.  glancing at the t.v. in the meantime and noting, "hmmmm, t must have gotten up and shut the t.v. off in the middle of the night".

i was telling t about this dream and said, "please, please, please, tell me that you shut the t.v. off". 

nope. 

on another note....

have you ever been around someone who continually talks about themselves?  i guess i hadn't...fully.  until this week happened, i didnt' know how i'd react in a situation like that.  

i was somewhere this week and a certain someone had plenty to say about themselves.  it wasn't just talking about their life and what was going on in it, but it was flat out gloating and bragging.  what i found out about this week, was that i don't handle that well, internally.  it causes all sorts of discomfort for me and when finally, i can say something that DOESN'T pertain to that person....they interrupt.  i had given up on the sitaution, when finally, towards the end of the time that i would be spending with this person, she asked me a question....but my heart sank when i heard the patronizing tone and saw the look in this person's eyes when they asked me it.  they werent' asking because they were interested in me...they were asking because they were once again, trying to make their life and job seem much more important than anything i had ever done. 

just for the record...i have never felt shame in my past jobs or anything that i have done regarding them.  do i feel like i did nothing, working with kids who had no parents and who were surviving my staying with relatives?  no.  did i feel like nothing when we provided them the only presents for christmas that they would get?  absolutely not. 

did i feel shame in my job that paid me so little that i couldn't survive on the salary, when i was placing children in families homes that desparately wanted them?  not at all.

do i feel embarrassed that i've worked with my family for 8 years?  Do i feel like they were easy on me and just kept me on because i was related?  do i feel like i've been given a hand out and taken it easy on because of this?  am i upset that i stayed in the business this long?  absolutely not.  i earned my way to where i was and i kept the business going when my parents couldn't work. 

do i feel like i'm not doing anything because i'm in HR now and hiring and terminating people...who really have no concern as to who i am?  no, i think this is one of the most pertinent and hardest jobs that i've had in many ways.

am i saving lives?  maybe not.  the closest i've come is in the school counseling position, when i mentored kids every day.

do i have to be to be fulfilled in my job?   absolutely not. 

am i going to judge you because you are judging me?  i'm going to try really hard not to, but it's defintiely going to affect the way that i see your values in place. 

showtunes and brooms

i'm a musical fanatic.  i got it from my dad.  growing up, we went to musicals...going to catholic school, we performed in them, we listened to soundtracks and bought videotapes and then DVDs of muscials that we liked.  it was in my blood. 

so, i'll say that i'm a bit of a picky person when it comes to other forms of performing arts.  not a snob, per se, but i'm pretty cognizant of what i'll like and what i won't.  plays...i'm not so into.  mom and i decided to go to a play that we had won tickets to and the play had gotten astounding reviews...ugh.  we almost left mid-way.  and i'm not sure it was the play itself....and not just the fact that it was a play in general. 

we had tickets last night to go see Stomp!  i was leery.  i love music...and i love percussion...and i love dance.  but for some reason, i couldn't get super jazzed to go.  I WAS WRONG!!!!!  it was amazing.  if you have a chance to see it, no matter what your genre of performing arts is...it's worth it. 

real blogging

Image via Wikipedia

i've been reading a plethora of blogs lately that complain about how many of the blogs they read are so negative and that they are revamping their reading, because they want to get rid of the negativity in their lives.  it made me start thinking...1.  is mine one of those negative ones?  and then 2.  why would i change what i'm writing in order to write what other people want to hear?  and 3.  why were they telling people this, if not to make them wonder if that blog was theirs? 

anyway, it got me thinking of what i read and if there are similarities.  to be honest, i love blogs that portray people's lives in the best possible light.  that is awesome if your life is so great that you have sunshine coming out of every orifice of your body, and that in turn, gets passed on to everyone that comes in contact with you.  but also, i have never, in person, met that individual.  we all have bad days....maybe not BAD, BAD, but we have all had trying times.  i know a specific individual who acts like the sunshiney, happy individual on a daily basis...but she is fake...and she knows it....and she is a SAD person, and has told me so. 

I'm not saying that everyone who has a completely positive blog is SAD...by no means am i saying that.  but i do think it's interesting the persona that we take on in our blogs.  are you pigeon-holed into a certain facade because of the tone that your blog has ALWAYS had?  Do you ever feel like writing about something else? 

I know that I have, but I have been very careful about that, due to work and friendships that i've had.   i NEVER write anything on here that will be discovered by someone that i know.  i know that some of my personal friends read this, but only time to time.  it would be ridiculous to think that i would write something, that i could not tell them in person, and think that it would never be discovered. 

but call me crazy...i like knowing that everyone is human.  it makes me relate to them, and want to know more about them.  i am an abnormally happy person, and at least, that is what i feel inside.  but there are bad days..and there will continually be so...and whether i'm a glutton for punishment or not...i like hearing about them. 

the post that never was....is

so, on my last post, i had NO intention of going where I did with it.  in fact, the title of it, actually had nothing to do (in my head) about the post, because i started writing one thing and ended up writing another and then never bothered to go back and change it. 

but, i really do want to post about this....

when my friend asked me if i was baptized in the Catholic church, i had no idea why she was asking.  I knew that for most of her life, she had been a part of that religion as well, and i had assumed also that maybe her boy was as well.  she said that they had been looking for different churches to see what beliefs may more closely match up with theirs, etc.  all very cool and exciting, i think, to be making those decisions.  then she went on to say that they were going to baptize their daughter into that religion.  then she told me that she was going to ask me something and i couldn't answer. 

WHAT?

what do you mean i can't answer?  but then i understood.  my friend asked me, in the most prolific way, to be their daughter's godmother.  and it wasn't put in a way of, "you WILL take care of my daughter when i am not around"...no, it was put in the best way that i can ever imagine it being put.  i'm keeping the exact words in my heart, and to myself, but it was along the lines of, "i want my daughter to be able to come to you and hear about what you think about things."  it really was one of the most honorable times ever. 

but then we had to get off the phone right then because we felt like we were on a first date and things got really awkward, especially because she didn't want an answer right then.   i asked her if it was so awkward, if she wanted to have our first kiss, she said no, and then we hung up.  :)

i just think that it was such an honor, not because i belonged to some certain religion, or because i have all my stuff together when it comes to kids, or because of any of the usual reasons...but just because she wanted her child to grow up knowing my thoughts on some things. 

how cool is that?

thanks, L..for making my month!

the question of the week....

my friend called me the other day.  we chit chatted and i moaned about some inconsequential stuff going on in life.  and then she asked me...."were you baptized in the Catholic Church?" 

i honestly forget about this part of my life, at times.  yes, in fact, i was.  and it wasn't at a time when i was an infant and didn't have a choice, or when i was younger and was "made" to go to the church.  no, it was when i was a fully consenting adult at the age of 25.  the purpose?  while it may not have been the best one, i realize now, but it was the only way that i was going to marry the person i thought i was supposed to marry.  not only was his family extremely religious, but being best friends with the Bishop of the area always raises it up a notch.  it wasn't a question....in order to have this happen, i was going to have to convert. 

convert from what?  i don't know.  i was baptized at the age of 12 or so...but i liken it to a family fad.  we had gone to this church for about 4 years and then stopped going shortly after i turned 15 and had a mind of my own and could be stubborn enough not to go. 

so, convert, i did.  i went to classes every week; church, like it was going out of style and that's just the way it went.  after that time, yes, we got married, and we went to church.  every weekend.  but i found my old doubts coming in....why did we have to go every weekend?  why did we always have to go to the same church?  why did we have to go to a spanish mass, when HEY!  I'M THE NEW ONE HERE!  not going to do me any good to hear a mass that i can't understand. 

i found that my biggest issue was faith...and questioning.  i didn't have that innately built into my being.  i couldn't understand how a following of people could take some things SO literally.  did they really believe that these miracles really happened?  i had countless conversations with, maybe the wrong people, about this.  mostly, it was my in-laws, and really they just thought i was a heathen for even questioning these things. 

i went to a church service last night at the buddhist temple in honor my great-uncle and my grandma last night.  there is a minister that performs these services for us, that is a woman and a minister in the buddhist temple....not something you see everyday.  but her faith oozes out of her.  and not annoyingly, but in the most calm and sure way.  it's really amazing to see. 

i think that will be what i strive for in every realm.  FAITH.  How do you get it when you don't have it?

if i could have a second...

i could actually write something! 

the week is off and running.  I worked 13  hours today.  that's all i really need to say about that.  my co-worker was gone and when that happens, i pick up the slack for the east coast stores.  For some reason, the whole east coast and puerto rico decided to hire everyone, along with their moms and their dogs today.  NOT a good day!  the problem is that tomorrow and wednesday, I'm going to be at a class.  her being gone made me realize that I don't want to put her through that...so i've spent the day debating on the class.  I think i'm going, but we'll see.  it's a general HR fundamentals class, so it should be good. 

this weekend was a great time.  Saturday, we had an impromptu "party" of sorts and had everyone over for Tater Tot Hot Dish.  yes, you read correctly.  it really was a hit and I made some of the famous pumpkin muffins that have disappeared two times in our household (in a weekend).  tony performed his magic cork trick and everyone was entertained.  well, maybe not, but i was.  anyway, i had a great convo with a friend that is experiencing some of the same things i am and WHEW, let me tell you, it was such a relief to talk to someone who is in the same boat on a few things.  it really was a great time.  such a great time though, that i had a little too much wine and wasn't feeling so toasty the next morning! 

and that, my friend, is all for now.  because it's 9:30 and I'm going to go to bed...

what's been goin' on...

trying to be o.k. with relaxing this weekend.  still did a workout and all that jazz, but i've started on a scarf with some awesome yarn.  yes, you saw right, it has sequins in it.  because doesn't eveyone need a sequin scarf???

one step closer...maybe

just wanted to let you all know that something may or may not be in the works in terms of me finding something i am passionate about.  i'm so excited, i can't stand it.  i do know that it may turn into nothing, so i'm having to try to keep it down a bit.  it would be huge for me and quite a big change in life.  more later!

resolution

so....the dilemma from yesterday was handled, with WAY more tact and class than i knew i had.  and i'm done.  i did a slight variation of what was suggested and what I had in my head, and it just came out sounding happy and "wish i was there" kind of. 

yesterday:  i had to go somewhere with a group of people.
it's always so apparent when you aren't a "cool" kid, isn't it?  these people are wondering, as i am, why is this girl (me) there?

what i was not so fond of, was 1.  the cast down glances at my purse, which instead of being a big flowery suitcase that is all the rage now, is a small, sleek little italian bag  2.  the constant referral to me as "that girl" or "she", when i'm standing right there.  3.  the way that i was in a conversation with someone totally different about something and one of them came up on the tail end of a conversation letting me know that she "would rather die" than claim she went to the school that i did and 4.  having two of them start talking about me when i was a foot away from them. 

yes, i was cast back to a time...well, no...i wasn't.  i've not experienced a time like this ever...in my childhood or my adult life.  is it unbearable, no.  annoying, yes.

PARTY TIME!!!!

what would you do? 

a relative of yours is dating someone.  you are close to this relative.  and he is living with this person.  This person plans a surprise party for this relative of yours.  this person is not well liked in the family, but she has been around for a couple years now and so people have kind of accepted that she is around. 

you find out today, that there is a party...today...that you didn't know about, because you and your family (immediate family), were not invited.  you also find out that, everyone else was, minus one cousin and, in the beginning, this relatives own brother.  The brother's girlfriend made a comment about it on the evite and then the brother was invited. 

livid is not the word for what i am feeling about this.  it just so happens that the people that are not invited, happen to be the most vocal about this person.  what would you do? 

there are many options in this scenario.  letting it go and do nothing is just not one of them, in my opinion.  i'm not planning on making a big fuss, but i will let it be known that i didnt' attend the party, not by choice, but because we didn't make the "cut". 

the newest best thing in the world

i would show you a picture, however, i don't have one...why?  because it's all gone.  i did limit myself and consumed it in a very slow process...of a couple months.  but still.  i find myself dreaming of this:

Image via Wikipedia

it's Justin's Nut Butter.  i assume many of you have had it.  if you have not, you are missing out.  and by that, i mean, you might hate yourself if you don't, and then years down the road you taste it, and you will be wondering how you lived on other brands of peanut butter for all those years.  you get the drift? 

My favorite one is the Maple Almond Butter, but i'm a sucker for Almond Butters.  this one is so subtly salted that when you take a bite, the salt hits at a very specific time, each bite.  t is always talking about how people discontinue things that he likes.  i can honestly say that this is one of the only things i would care about if they discontinued.  for real. 

our fortune

i came home from san francisco a few months ago, to this on my computer: 

i need a novel

Image via Wikipedia

i had a conversation with my friend the other day and while talking, she made this profound statement and it stuck with me.  we talked about how it was strange that an ex of hers still kept in touch with her, yet never brought up the fact that she has a daughter now.  it almost seems like if he didn't bring the daughter up, it was like she had never had her or something.  anyway, we were talking about how weird that was and how, although my friend is NOT all about talking about her child every second of the day (because she's cool like that), that at least acknowledging the fact that she now has a child, is likely in order.  anyway, in the midst of this convo, my friend made a very profound statement.  it went something to the effect of, "i mean, some people write novels or discover things or something amazing during their life time....i mean, she (her daughter) is MY novel".  well put, i thought...and when she said it, it gave me warm fuzzy feelings too, which is a bonus. 

it really got me thinking about things.  i mean, when thinking of my mom, i guess I was probably her novel too, as is the case with many parents, i'm sure.  most parents, when asked, would say that their children are their biggest accomplishment.  but what about the rest of the people?  i mean, what about the other people who DO have a novel or other big thing?  and more importantly and relavent...i don't have a novel. 

after the past few days of not being at work, it's put a lot in perspective.  in the beginning, i thought that the job was the hardest one i had ever done.  now, after time, it's become apparent that it's really not...and that instead of having to have amazing organizational skills and special talents, that maybe you just have to catch on and have a memory of a process...that you are going to repeat over, and over, and over again.  it's a job that you don't really need any special training for at all and in reality, the person that i'm "replacing", started it pretty much right out of high school and has "outgrown" it.  and i know, in a while, i could be put in another job...but i'm even thinking about how that, doesn't even really seem very purposeful. 

so, i'm learning...i need a life full of purpose and making a difference.  whereas, when i was a school counselor, maybe some people viewed it as a hack job, i knew i was making a difference.  i knew that at least one time a day, some child felt special that i had taken some time to talk to them and care.  i know that today, when i see one boy in particular in the local grocery store that he works in (he's now in high school), that he remembers me and says hi.  in real estate, you could go the extra mile and make someone's experience a good one, so that they would recommend you, and so that they would have a fantastic expereince when everyone else was having bad ones.  when i was an adoption worker, well, you can only guess how you touch people's lives in that way. 

i would venture to say that this is the first job that i've had with very little, or none of that quality.  in addition, its not like there is a lot in my personal life that is involved in a cause or passionate issue.   i pretty much go to work, go to the grocery store, come home, make food, and go to bed.   i've been quite content on the weekend to sit around doing useless things, because my schedule is so overwhelmed. 

but while the schedule is overwhelmed, my life is underwhelmed....and i need to change that around.  i need my novel. 

thrifty!

some of you may remember a while back, i think it's been about two years, when i was coupon happy.  I mean, i was nuts.  but i was determined that i wasn't going to do what most people do, and buy a whole bunch of stuff that i wouldn't normally, just because i had a coupon.  so, i didn't. 

i am happy to say that because i stocked up on things that we needed and I knew that we would need in the future, that we still haven't run out of most things in our house.  i'm only realizing the ramifications of it now, as we are getting closer to the point where we are going to need to restock.  but seriously, the weekends spent clipping and the few trips to K-Mart when they had triple coupons...all worth it. 

what does this mean for me?  It's meant not going to the grocery store and paying top price for shampoo when i ran out, or shaving cream, or dishwashing detergent, or aluminum foil....the list goes on.  it's meant that when i'm at a store and i see something that i use on a sale, i buy it then, rather than waiting...because in the end, i'm spending that money....on gas and on the higher price.  this discovery was awesome.  i seriously didn't realize how profound it would be...until this time.  but wow, was it worth it.  i'm going to do another run of it again.  you never know when stores will go out of business or stop doing triple coupons....so it's worth it. 

end of summer

it's finally fall here!  and i'm so excited.  the chill in the air is amazing and just what i've been waiting for.  so, here is a goodbye to summer.  i forgot to post this picture from my san fran trip.  it was beautiful

the past few days!

have been interesting to say the least.  Thursday came and throughout some stroke of luck, i found myself with some time on my hands.  t had been gone and was coming back that night...i was going to pick him up.  first, i was trying to think about what i was going to do with this free time???  there were so many options...but before i could think of them, i decided to go deposit a check.  on the way, i heard this POP noise from my tire.  The first thing i did was pull into a gas station and look at the tire.  holy LUCK, it was fine. 

i did my errands, then came home, only to get out and hear a hissing sound.  by hissing, it was LOUD and fast.  i look and see the tear from the piece of metal lodged in my tire.  i write to t, and ask what i should do.  i went from neighbor to neighbor, seeking help, but finding none, had to change the tire on my own.  now, i had learned how to do this before and in fact, I was the one that had changed my ex-husbands tire in the middle of el paso in the dark of night.  however, that was 10 years ago.  i wasn't up on my "changing tire" skills, people. 

So, i got out the manual.  and did it.  i got to the locked nut on the wheel and seriously, could not, for the life of me, get the damn thing off.  I was using all of my weight to pull up on the thing.  i called my dad and asked "how do you get the special screw off" and finding no reason to do otherwise, yanked up as hard as i could...therefore freeing the "special screw".  I know you are all impressed with my mechanical accumen. 

i call the dealership and tire stores and none of them have the damn thing in and i have to wait...til the next day (today) at 2.  so, i figured that i would take a much needed day off from work and enjoy the time.  i did, however, have to go get t at the airport and what was i going to drive?  i had been WARNED up and down by the dealership that i should, in no way, drive the car with the donut tire on it, for long distances and to even be careful on the turns.  i should know by now, that t was going to argue that point...which he did, so there i took off, with my gimpy car, to the airport. 

today, it got fixed...but in the midst of the day, i was walking and seriously almost fell on the floor.  i couldn't walk upright without shooting pain in my lower back.  my muscles are all SO sore!  i guess cardio doesn't prepare you for the intricacies of changing a tire! 

we closed on our refinance for our home.  YAY!!!  $200 less a month on our mortgage!  SO excited for that and totally worth the 3 month wait to get it done!  Also, no mortgage payments for the next TWO nonths.  WOOOO HOOOO!!!!

i don't know what to say about this right now.....

there have been very few times when i've just referred to a post and not had something to say.  i just don't right now.  THIS post made me second guess a lot right now.

weirdness all around

this week has been weird.  i'll just say it.  it may be because t had a big presentation last week, was on call over the weekend, then is gone.  but it's been weird. 

over the weekend, i convinced him to go to the Ben Folds concert with the Colorado Symphony.  you may gasp, but i've never heard the symphony.  i'll just say that now, i know...everything is better with strings.  i mean, it pulled at your heart WAY more than any old concert.  he played almost all the songs i loved....except: 



but he did play "The Luckiest".  This is one of my favorite songs of all time.  Literally.  i would play this at my wedding...that we aren't having.  but if we had one...this would be my song. 



it was amazing. one of the best concerts i have been to.

on another note, i did some baking this weekend.  i would post pictures...but the cupcakes that i baked...are gone.  yes.  18 of them.  gone.  just so you know, they were good.  these were them, before they were frosted ,  THESE were them.  i'll just say, a little frosting goes a long way.  one batch of frosting is WAY too much, in my opinion.

today, something a little stranger happened. 

i got an email from a grad school friend that asked if I recognized this girl (the website with the girl on followed).  i looked at the picture, before i found out what happened.  and yes, i recognized her face.  she was someone we went to school with and she was a DA in Austin.  she had just had a baby and had postpartum depression and she killed herself last friday. 

granted, i didn't know this person...if at all.  i knew her face and i know that at this point, my life is very much inundated with babies.  those were likely the two most prevalent things that we had in common, besides going to the same school.  granted, obviously, we're not thinking of babies right now.  but i can only think of that time as being a really exciting one.  it was eye-opening and scary to think of it any other way.   it made me wonder, didn't people notice, didn't someone try to get her help????  but maybe they did and there was nothing "they" could do. 

i love fall

Image via Wikipediait's just too bad its so stinkin' hot in this state right now to enjoy it.  we have had a hot summer.  and humid.  if no one got the memo....COLORADO IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HOT OR HUMID, and definitely not a combination of the two. 

but it has.  we still sleep with the windows open...and it's still hot. 

hooray to "cooler" weather this week.  it's in the mid-eighties. 

politics

Image via Wikipedia

i have found out that i am not a politics person. 

i didn't think i ever was, but i thought it only applied to actual political topics...such as elections and voting and such.  now i have found out that i am not a "politics on the job" type of person. 

i'm all about rules and such.  i like having protocol to follow, definitely.  but starting into a new situation, with some people thinking that the politics are one way when quite obviously they are not...scary. 

i almost got myself into a situation and we'll just say, "thank god" i didn't follow through with the logical chain of events that were presented to me and that i was TOLD to do.  it would have been disasterous for my career apparently.  but, UGH, who knows this stuff?  i always thought that the ultimate political job was in a school system.  it's so difficult and hard to manuver because there are always ulterior motives.  let's just say, i've found a little bit more to bite off in this situation. 

and, we're off!!!

Image via Wikipedialots going on the next couple weeks.  it's insane how busy it is, and then after that, i'm expecting some peace and quiet.  t has a work presentation going on this week and then is on call this weekend.  :(  it also happens to be the weekend that Ben Folds is playing with the Colorado Symphony Orchestra.  guess who is going???  i'll be going alone, but it'll be a good one, i'm sure and one that i'll be glad that i didn't miss.  we were severely disappointed a few years ago when we saw him open for john mayer at Red Rocks Amphitheater.  the whole concert, obviously, was geared towards John Mayer...unfortunately, that also meant the sound system was also.  you couldn't hear a word that Ben Folds was singing...it was a let down. 

after that, t is away for a bit, then back again!  while i've been working, i'm trying to find my rhythm.  consistency is very important to me, i've come to find out.  with this job and the other one, i've been trying to find my place in it.  i think i'm getting there, slowly but surely.  it's hard to do so, though, when you are in situations where you are dealing with shoe costumes, midgets, meetings, and ethical dealings in the workplace.  seriously. 

i was worried about my work outs, but i think i've gotten that down.  fortunately for me, unfortunately for some exercise company, our gym at work is stocked...and free.  some company needed to unload some equipment instead of payments and voila....an instant gym of some of the nicest equipment that i've seen.  i go over at lunch and then am able to work out for an hour and clear my head...of all of the above situations.  it's worked out nicely.  today, i was reading an article on intervals, so i tried them.  i guess you are supposed to burn more doing those, than anything.  so, i walked for 5 minutes at a 3.5mph...then for 30 times after that, switched between a 8.5 mph pace (a "10" on my scale) for 15 seconds and a 3.5 mph pace for 20 seconds.  it was actually really fun and made the time just fly by! 

i'm hoping that tomorrow is a bit more uneventful than today...it really was busy...but it keeps it interesting and we all need some of that in our lives!

Angus and Julia Stone - "Mango Tree" [music video]

The Temper Trap - Sweet Disposition

that stinks!

we went out to breakfast the other morning.  this, i guess, isn't a monumental experience.  the day seemed nice enough and we were relaxing and getting ready to do some work for the weekend, as well as some organizing.  ahhhhh, so nice.  we then headed to our favorite breakfast place in town, called snooze.  this place is SO good.  they have a menu right now that is only serving completely local ingredients.  they have things duck hash, etc.  things that i will not try, but that sound good. 

anyway, we are halfway through our meal and t gets this look on his face.  granted, i have no idea what is going on.  what i have seen is a girl behind him, coming up to a guy behind t and giving him a big hug and start to chat about things.  t looks like he's going to hurl. 

he kept saying that the girl smelled so bad, that he couldn't stand it and he was trying to hold his breath.  i kept trying to catch a whiff (why do we do this, i have no idea) but i couldn't.  i looked at her, she looked pretty earthy, but not like she didn't give a rat's ass.  then...i ate it.  i literally think i ate a piece of her stench.  up until this point, i thought that t meant that the girl smelled like patchouli.  um....no.  this was not the case.  this girl smelled like she hadn't showered in about a month....and then she rolled around in some feces. 

i'm not kidding.  it was so bad.  when she walked by (she was a hostess, if you can believe it), you had to hold your breath. 

i mean, what do you do in that situation?  we live in a state that can be very loose in its description of human upkeep, but i mean really?