minor irritation

first off, i'm o.k.  but i'm pretty irritated today.  i'm sorry if you read this and feel that i'm being negative.  i personally like hearing about parts of people's lives that aren't perfect and the fact that even the most positive of people have bad days.  i will say that i'm seriously over the top happy about 97% of the time, but today is not one of those days.

with that said, here goes:

i'm finding that periodically, about every three months....something happens to me.  i lose faith in people.  it's not due to nothing, so that's good, i guess.  but i'll say, it sure is frustrating when people turn out differently than you would like. and for some reason, this hits me about every three months. 

if you do not want to hear ranting or negativity, i totally understand....however, i wouldn't read below then. i'll be back to normal in a day or so:

1.   i'm pretty tired of taking care of everyone, but myself.   i am a caretaker by nature.  when you are a counselor or a therapist, you are getting paid to care (not much, mind you, but there is some bonus).  i haven't had a whole lot of bonus lately.  in delving into my head, i honestly think this is why, every once in a while, i need to buy myself a treat, which may end up being these:   

2.  i left work at 4 today and didn't get home til 7.  in this time, i was doing everything for everyone else.  i was standing in line because this ebay buyer decided at the last minute that he was going to pay double what the sale item was worth and have it shipped to the UK.  I stook in line for an hour and fifteen minutes.  i could have left, yes, but i'm good to my word and i had told this guy i would send it out.  i didn't realize the amount of customs forms and the rigamarole that needed to be done.  i had an interlude in there where i picked my bike up from the store (that was 10 minutes) and i found some glasses.  i get home, i cook, serve, and clean up.  now, the home thing, i can handle.  it's enjoyable, for some weird reason, to me.  the problem is that every once in a while, i want someone cooking and serving me.  it may be why i love and cherish restaruants.  

3.  i spent the day, researching like heck for someone.  i was doing this person a favor and somewhat doing part of my job...but in reality, it was a favor.  i was planning on doing this favor and then giving someone the extra money that would have gotten from doing said favor.  i did all of this, and they chose to go a different route...without telling me, and still haven't responded to me, i'm assuming because they don't want to seem like a schmuck.  i spent my entire day doing this. 

4.  this leads into a different topic.  i figured out that i'm constantly having to prove myself in this job.  i cannot tell you the amounts of loved ones and friends that have needed a realtor, known that i would give them huge props and give back a good chunk of commission for them, and still not used me.  i don't get this one.  i am a commercial realtor, for the most part.  i can tell you that a lot of residential realtor cannot do commercial real estate, but a lot of commercial realtors could do residential.  commercial is so specialized, that you have to know the residential stuff on top of the number and figures that make commercial real estate.  i have been in real estate for 8 frickin years....i know what the hell i'm doing. 

5.  I'm frustrated about the school counselor thing.  i don't know really what i'm going to do about my job.  i got three recommendations from people (the principal at the last school interviewed and a current school counselor, along with the director of HR for the district), and still no call from the school that has an opening.  there is only so much time that my parents will keep working.  i don't have enough savings to survive on nothing for a year to get my start in real estate....i am not being too successful at being a counselor, and i don't have a degree that pays anything near to what i would need to make in order to pay for our house.  something will happen, i know.  it will just take time. 

6.  i just found out today that a family member had to go through the most horrific thing i have heard of in a long time.  it made me sick...literally.  her dog was attacked by an austrailian shepherd and a golden retriever.  i'm not kidding.  afterwords, it barely made it back in the house and during all of this, my family member was watching this happen.  some other family took the dog to the vet, where they found that it's skull was crushed and that it was put to sleep.  the people who owned the other dogs...got a ticket. 

7.  i think i may need a break.  and i'm not talking a break where i'm entertaining the whole time.  i mean, a break. 

o.k.  i'm done.  i feel better, so thanks for the space to vent.