assumptions can get us into trouble...we all know this. i think that when you realize that, is maybe when you learn to edit yourself in life, and maybe not to blurt out whatever it is YOU assume someone else would think about a given situation.
i had an interesting situation...having to do with age, respect, and someone just being wrong...in my opinion.
a woman that is a very good family friend came to the office today and commented on my necklace. she specifically asked, "where did you get the stones for that?". i replied, "the emerald is from mom and dad on my 30th birthday, the little diamonds were bought by me, and the diamond is from my first wedding ring" my first wedding ring, which she knew, referred to the wedding ring from my first marriage. she interrupted me in the midst of the last part of my explanation and said, "oh, that's your payment from the worst mistake you ever made in your life?"
i think i may have sat there with my mouth open for a split second. i was torn between correcting this woman because she was wrong and not saying anything because she was an old family friend and maybe needed to be respected in her opinons. i think i shook my head and started saying, "that wasn't the worst mistake i've made", when she interrupted me again and said, "don't worry, it is what it is"....as if i were explaining myself and my choices that i've made.
it wasn't a huge deal....i'm not hugely upset about it....but i would love to know what an appropriate response would have been to that? any ideas?
assumptions
assumptions can get us into trouble...we all know this. i think that when you realize that, is maybe when you learn to edit yourself in life, and maybe not to blurt out whatever it is YOU assume someone else would think about a given situation.
i had an interesting situation...having to do with age, respect, and someone just being wrong...in my opinion.
a woman that is a very good family friend came to the office today and commented on my necklace. she specifically asked, "where did you get the stones for that?". i replied, "the emerald is from mom and dad on my 30th birthday, the little diamonds were bought by me, and the diamond is from my first wedding ring" my first wedding ring, which she knew, referred to the wedding ring from my first marriage. she interrupted me in the midst of the last part of my explanation and said, "oh, that's your payment from the worst mistake you ever made in your life?"
i think i may have sat there with my mouth open for a split second. i was torn between correcting this woman because she was wrong and not saying anything because she was an old family friend and maybe needed to be respected in her opinons. i think i shook my head and started saying, "that wasn't the worst mistake i've made", when she interrupted me again and said, "don't worry, it is what it is"....as if i were explaining myself and my choices that i've made.
it wasn't a huge deal....i'm not hugely upset about it....but i would love to know what an appropriate response would have been to that? any ideas?
i had an interesting situation...having to do with age, respect, and someone just being wrong...in my opinion.
a woman that is a very good family friend came to the office today and commented on my necklace. she specifically asked, "where did you get the stones for that?". i replied, "the emerald is from mom and dad on my 30th birthday, the little diamonds were bought by me, and the diamond is from my first wedding ring" my first wedding ring, which she knew, referred to the wedding ring from my first marriage. she interrupted me in the midst of the last part of my explanation and said, "oh, that's your payment from the worst mistake you ever made in your life?"
i think i may have sat there with my mouth open for a split second. i was torn between correcting this woman because she was wrong and not saying anything because she was an old family friend and maybe needed to be respected in her opinons. i think i shook my head and started saying, "that wasn't the worst mistake i've made", when she interrupted me again and said, "don't worry, it is what it is"....as if i were explaining myself and my choices that i've made.
it wasn't a huge deal....i'm not hugely upset about it....but i would love to know what an appropriate response would have been to that? any ideas?
7 comments:
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Holy crap! Family friend or not, I can't believe that she had the nerve to say that! I have no response for that comment....
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May 4, 2010 at 6:55 PM
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my thoughts exactly, NSC. i likely would have continued on further with her, if she weren't going to be spending 2 weeks with my parents starting tomorrow....but still. UGH
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May 4, 2010 at 7:14 PM
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I'm with Non Sequitur Chica ... the nerve of that woman, family friend or not. I'm not sure I could keep my lid sealed on that one. I most certainly would've said something. And whether it was something to correct what she just said or something to let her know how hurtful those words are. Something to let her know that ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME (a little diddy I learned at a very young age)!
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May 5, 2010 at 6:54 AM
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I personally think it was out of line for her to even ask you "where you got the stones" in the first place. Weird. Nosy. Rude.
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May 5, 2010 at 7:01 AM
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oh people sometimes open their mouths and say the weirdest/inappropriate things. you have got to wonder what they are thinking?????? no biggy just take it for what is it worth-nothing!
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May 5, 2010 at 8:56 AM
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I'm glad you're not too upset. I agree the question of where you got the stones was inappropriate to begin with.
I'm horrible at giving a good answer at the time. I think of what i "should have" said hours later.
My response to this family friend after such a cut would to be avoid her at all costs. I had a run in with a lady at church who doesn't have good boundaries & the only way i can handle her is to run!
I think the response to the question about the stones should be, "I've picked them up over time by folks who love me." (You do love yourself, right?)
And the response to the question of "the worst mistake in your life" could have been, "I know we have a long history thru my family, but you don't know me well enough to say something like that to me."
However, as stated above, i never would have come up with a good answer on the spot. -
May 5, 2010 at 9:17 AM
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!!! I get that sometimes--inappropriate comments!!! I agree with Kate, that question was out of line. I have 2 ways of dealing with stuff like this: the 1st is to "Scarlet O'Hara" which means to feign utter shock, totally overexagerate how shocked you are until it becomes almost a joke and the person will get your message. The 2nd is the repeat back what was said to you for example yesterday a neighbor I just met asked,"Are you renting or do you own your place?" What a personal inappropriate question! So I said,"Do you rent or do you own?" silence....
I'm still learning how deal with stuff like this but get better with practice. -
May 8, 2010 at 6:53 AM
Posts
7 comments:
Holy crap! Family friend or not, I can't believe that she had the nerve to say that! I have no response for that comment....
my thoughts exactly, NSC. i likely would have continued on further with her, if she weren't going to be spending 2 weeks with my parents starting tomorrow....but still. UGH
I'm with Non Sequitur Chica ... the nerve of that woman, family friend or not. I'm not sure I could keep my lid sealed on that one. I most certainly would've said something. And whether it was something to correct what she just said or something to let her know how hurtful those words are. Something to let her know that ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME (a little diddy I learned at a very young age)!
I personally think it was out of line for her to even ask you "where you got the stones" in the first place. Weird. Nosy. Rude.
oh people sometimes open their mouths and say the weirdest/inappropriate things. you have got to wonder what they are thinking?????? no biggy just take it for what is it worth-nothing!
I'm glad you're not too upset. I agree the question of where you got the stones was inappropriate to begin with.
I'm horrible at giving a good answer at the time. I think of what i "should have" said hours later.
My response to this family friend after such a cut would to be avoid her at all costs. I had a run in with a lady at church who doesn't have good boundaries & the only way i can handle her is to run!
I think the response to the question about the stones should be, "I've picked them up over time by folks who love me." (You do love yourself, right?)
And the response to the question of "the worst mistake in your life" could have been, "I know we have a long history thru my family, but you don't know me well enough to say something like that to me."
However, as stated above, i never would have come up with a good answer on the spot.
!!! I get that sometimes--inappropriate comments!!! I agree with Kate, that question was out of line. I have 2 ways of dealing with stuff like this: the 1st is to "Scarlet O'Hara" which means to feign utter shock, totally overexagerate how shocked you are until it becomes almost a joke and the person will get your message. The 2nd is the repeat back what was said to you for example yesterday a neighbor I just met asked,"Are you renting or do you own your place?" What a personal inappropriate question! So I said,"Do you rent or do you own?" silence....
I'm still learning how deal with stuff like this but get better with practice.
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