as you probably know by now, i find relationships of any kind, fascinating. i'm enthralled by my own, mostly because it's so frickin' easy.
we end up where we are in life and i dare to say, that most of us did not see ourselves where we ended up or where we are now. maybe we are single and thought we'd be with someone, maybe we are with someone and never thought that would happen, or they are so completely different than we imagined....
if i am thinking of my relationship with t, it usually involves thinking about "the line". you know, there is that line you cross with people or that you shouldn't cross. it's dictated in all relationships, and it's typically unspoken. obviously, i'm not talking mean things...like, we all know that you should not be in a relationship, where people are calling you stupid, demeaning you, etc. i'm talking about observances, most of which are overt and somewhat obvious.
t and i say things to each other that maybe most couples wouldn't say. i've never been able to say things to other people that i feel comfortable saying to him, and i'm not sure how that is on his end. these are not mean-spirited things and to me, most importantly, for the most part, are things that are constructive....not things that will just hurt each other.
so, the other day, we were getting ready to go somewhere, when i heard exaspiration out of nowhere. following that came a "why do you have to wear grandma clothes?" i almost looked behind me (at the wall) to see who he was talking to, because certainly it couldn't be me. he explained that things with frill detail or ruffles, or flowers, is to him, grandma. i'll let you know, all of these grandma clothes, are the ones that are in style right now. the rest of my stuff...is just old. he explained he would rather have me in t-shirts and sweatshirts, than those. ( i mean, really? what am i complaining about?)
at first, i tromped into the closet, started taking all my newer clothes and was going to throw them out. he came in there, said that i didn't need to do that, that they were fine for work...but that simply, he didn't find them very attractive.
we got through that, and got onto the perfume. i got this cool gift from my mom for christmas. it's a sampler of about 12 perfumes that you can try, and once you decide on one, you can go to sephora and get a whole bottle of what you like. i took a day, put them on paper, and narrowed them down from there. then, later, i sprayed some of the winners on, we gave our verdict on some and from there, i was taking weeks at a time and sampling them to see if i still liked them weeks later. well, apparently one of the scents wasn't as appealing as the first time i had it on. that too, in t's eyes, was grandma. i explained that i was trying things and he explained that it was old smelling. i told him that i didn't think that grandma's wore Dior Addict 2, but whatever.
now, through all of this, i wasn't upset.....o.k., maybe for a second i was. but honestly, at the end of it all, it's just opinions. i have my opinions and have given them to t. for instance, i'm not a pleated pants fan. he is. does it change the way i feel about him when i see him...not a bit.
where is the line in your relationship or what do you think that the line should be? should we have a free for all where we have blatant disregard for feelings, should we walk on eggshells and never give our opinions on things? is there a happy medium?
the line
as you probably know by now, i find relationships of any kind, fascinating. i'm enthralled by my own, mostly because it's so frickin' easy.
we end up where we are in life and i dare to say, that most of us did not see ourselves where we ended up or where we are now. maybe we are single and thought we'd be with someone, maybe we are with someone and never thought that would happen, or they are so completely different than we imagined....
if i am thinking of my relationship with t, it usually involves thinking about "the line". you know, there is that line you cross with people or that you shouldn't cross. it's dictated in all relationships, and it's typically unspoken. obviously, i'm not talking mean things...like, we all know that you should not be in a relationship, where people are calling you stupid, demeaning you, etc. i'm talking about observances, most of which are overt and somewhat obvious.
t and i say things to each other that maybe most couples wouldn't say. i've never been able to say things to other people that i feel comfortable saying to him, and i'm not sure how that is on his end. these are not mean-spirited things and to me, most importantly, for the most part, are things that are constructive....not things that will just hurt each other.
so, the other day, we were getting ready to go somewhere, when i heard exaspiration out of nowhere. following that came a "why do you have to wear grandma clothes?" i almost looked behind me (at the wall) to see who he was talking to, because certainly it couldn't be me. he explained that things with frill detail or ruffles, or flowers, is to him, grandma. i'll let you know, all of these grandma clothes, are the ones that are in style right now. the rest of my stuff...is just old. he explained he would rather have me in t-shirts and sweatshirts, than those. ( i mean, really? what am i complaining about?)
at first, i tromped into the closet, started taking all my newer clothes and was going to throw them out. he came in there, said that i didn't need to do that, that they were fine for work...but that simply, he didn't find them very attractive.
we got through that, and got onto the perfume. i got this cool gift from my mom for christmas. it's a sampler of about 12 perfumes that you can try, and once you decide on one, you can go to sephora and get a whole bottle of what you like. i took a day, put them on paper, and narrowed them down from there. then, later, i sprayed some of the winners on, we gave our verdict on some and from there, i was taking weeks at a time and sampling them to see if i still liked them weeks later. well, apparently one of the scents wasn't as appealing as the first time i had it on. that too, in t's eyes, was grandma. i explained that i was trying things and he explained that it was old smelling. i told him that i didn't think that grandma's wore Dior Addict 2, but whatever.
now, through all of this, i wasn't upset.....o.k., maybe for a second i was. but honestly, at the end of it all, it's just opinions. i have my opinions and have given them to t. for instance, i'm not a pleated pants fan. he is. does it change the way i feel about him when i see him...not a bit.
where is the line in your relationship or what do you think that the line should be? should we have a free for all where we have blatant disregard for feelings, should we walk on eggshells and never give our opinions on things? is there a happy medium?
we end up where we are in life and i dare to say, that most of us did not see ourselves where we ended up or where we are now. maybe we are single and thought we'd be with someone, maybe we are with someone and never thought that would happen, or they are so completely different than we imagined....
if i am thinking of my relationship with t, it usually involves thinking about "the line". you know, there is that line you cross with people or that you shouldn't cross. it's dictated in all relationships, and it's typically unspoken. obviously, i'm not talking mean things...like, we all know that you should not be in a relationship, where people are calling you stupid, demeaning you, etc. i'm talking about observances, most of which are overt and somewhat obvious.
t and i say things to each other that maybe most couples wouldn't say. i've never been able to say things to other people that i feel comfortable saying to him, and i'm not sure how that is on his end. these are not mean-spirited things and to me, most importantly, for the most part, are things that are constructive....not things that will just hurt each other.
so, the other day, we were getting ready to go somewhere, when i heard exaspiration out of nowhere. following that came a "why do you have to wear grandma clothes?" i almost looked behind me (at the wall) to see who he was talking to, because certainly it couldn't be me. he explained that things with frill detail or ruffles, or flowers, is to him, grandma. i'll let you know, all of these grandma clothes, are the ones that are in style right now. the rest of my stuff...is just old. he explained he would rather have me in t-shirts and sweatshirts, than those. ( i mean, really? what am i complaining about?)
at first, i tromped into the closet, started taking all my newer clothes and was going to throw them out. he came in there, said that i didn't need to do that, that they were fine for work...but that simply, he didn't find them very attractive.
we got through that, and got onto the perfume. i got this cool gift from my mom for christmas. it's a sampler of about 12 perfumes that you can try, and once you decide on one, you can go to sephora and get a whole bottle of what you like. i took a day, put them on paper, and narrowed them down from there. then, later, i sprayed some of the winners on, we gave our verdict on some and from there, i was taking weeks at a time and sampling them to see if i still liked them weeks later. well, apparently one of the scents wasn't as appealing as the first time i had it on. that too, in t's eyes, was grandma. i explained that i was trying things and he explained that it was old smelling. i told him that i didn't think that grandma's wore Dior Addict 2, but whatever.
now, through all of this, i wasn't upset.....o.k., maybe for a second i was. but honestly, at the end of it all, it's just opinions. i have my opinions and have given them to t. for instance, i'm not a pleated pants fan. he is. does it change the way i feel about him when i see him...not a bit.
where is the line in your relationship or what do you think that the line should be? should we have a free for all where we have blatant disregard for feelings, should we walk on eggshells and never give our opinions on things? is there a happy medium?
3 comments:
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Walking on eggshells is NEVER good for a relationship.
We have a couple of issues that do generate hurt when we discuss them. Not that we want to hurt one another, but sometimes they have to be tackled. On a couple of issues i've had to reach a point where i'm willing to walk away from it. It bothers me, but i can see it bothers him more & he isn't going to change.
I think one of the things that happens quite a bit in marriage, but particularly when marrying young is the belief that you can change the other person into what you want.
I remember in my first marriage one of the most hurtful things said to me was discussing something (don't remember what now) & i said to him, "But you knew that when you married me!"
His response was, "Yes, but i knew i could change you."
Not that he was alone on this score. I don't think i did it quite as obviously & i don't think it was in my conscious mind, but there were a few things i did want him to change. While he may have changed his behaviors, to a degree, to please me, he never changed his attitudes or beliefs.
Duane & i do currently have an issue that has me rather nervous. (Related to his new car, but more, beliefs & attitudes underlying possessions.) I'm not sure how we are going to work that out, for i know that neither of us are able to change what is a core part of our personality. Someone recently advised me to look at it as a "security" issue rather than one of "materialism." That may help some, but these issues are bound to come up when two people live together.
I wish i was more like you in handling critique. I tend to let it bother me too much. -
January 14, 2010 at 10:23 AM
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I'd like to see t in a pleated skin suit.
And my Grandmother wears Largerfeld French Whore #69, it's hot! -
January 14, 2010 at 1:13 PM
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Hahaha! A pleated Skin Suit?!?!?! Oooooh C, you've got to make one !!
I love that T gives you input about what you wear. Maybe it's because my hubby is the opposite. I'm kinda like T, he's kinda like C... except I would NEVER wear pleated pants.
PS - I love the ruffle look and if you can pull it off, wear it!!! -
January 18, 2010 at 11:10 AM
Posts
3 comments:
Walking on eggshells is NEVER good for a relationship.
We have a couple of issues that do generate hurt when we discuss them. Not that we want to hurt one another, but sometimes they have to be tackled. On a couple of issues i've had to reach a point where i'm willing to walk away from it. It bothers me, but i can see it bothers him more & he isn't going to change.
I think one of the things that happens quite a bit in marriage, but particularly when marrying young is the belief that you can change the other person into what you want.
I remember in my first marriage one of the most hurtful things said to me was discussing something (don't remember what now) & i said to him, "But you knew that when you married me!"
His response was, "Yes, but i knew i could change you."
Not that he was alone on this score. I don't think i did it quite as obviously & i don't think it was in my conscious mind, but there were a few things i did want him to change. While he may have changed his behaviors, to a degree, to please me, he never changed his attitudes or beliefs.
Duane & i do currently have an issue that has me rather nervous. (Related to his new car, but more, beliefs & attitudes underlying possessions.) I'm not sure how we are going to work that out, for i know that neither of us are able to change what is a core part of our personality. Someone recently advised me to look at it as a "security" issue rather than one of "materialism." That may help some, but these issues are bound to come up when two people live together.
I wish i was more like you in handling critique. I tend to let it bother me too much.
I'd like to see t in a pleated skin suit.
And my Grandmother wears Largerfeld French Whore #69, it's hot!
Hahaha! A pleated Skin Suit?!?!?! Oooooh C, you've got to make one !!
I love that T gives you input about what you wear. Maybe it's because my hubby is the opposite. I'm kinda like T, he's kinda like C... except I would NEVER wear pleated pants.
PS - I love the ruffle look and if you can pull it off, wear it!!!
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