Image via Wikipediajust a little FYI, in case you haven't gotten the memo...i don't have kids. it's not that i don't like them, it's not that i didn't see myself with them, just plain and simple, i don't have them.
that being said....just about every friend i have, has them. i've never really had an issue like this before with previous friends that have had them. sure, life has changed, but it certainly didn't detract from their ability to drop me an email or give me a call, if only for a few minutes. it really wasn't even irritating if i was making 30 calls to their one call (except maybe to them, ha ha!)
i am, however, flabbergasted about a few friendships that, in my opinion, have gone completely in the pot, after a child has been born.
i know, i know, i can't really know how much time children take...i can't tell you how many times i've heard that before. i get it. but i've had plenty of friends that have still maintained some resemblance of normal life in these situations.
when it started, i thought that maybe the amount of time that i'd hear from these people would change with the ages their children were. like, maybe when the baby wasn't crying constantly, making phone conversations difficult, that i'd get a 5 minute phone call or even just a text, maybe once a month.
but alas, that hasn't happened either. i'll admit, i know this has nothing to do with me, and yet my feelings are hurt. these are friends that have been in my life for a good many years and i just can't fathom them not being there...but i also have a hard time picturing myself not saying something when their children and in school and they finally find some time to give me a text message, asking "what's up, haven't talked to you in so long and i don't know why?"
these are people that, in the past few months, have known nothing about my updated cancer status (clear, YAY!), not a thing about my possible new job, and know nothing about me, in general.
Let me reiterate...this is not everyone that has children. only a select few and i just don't understand it. and for those of you reading that may be ready to have children, just take it in stride and don't forget about the rest of us!
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5 comments:
I'm sorry. And i understand. (Tho i hesitate to say that because often folks who say "I understand" really don't or are only looking at their own issues.) I've had friends i thought would be there forever just evaporate & i never knew why. I've started following a blog called "Life Without Baby." http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/
A quote from today: ". . .She talks very frankly about the friends she lost to children, not because they disagreed and parted ways, but because they suddenly had nothing in common. She says:
'I understood their joy but they never made an effort to understand my sorrow.'"
I also follow a blog called "Silent Sorority." I often feel invisible & over looked as a woman without children. Even friends who care often make remarks about "clueless women without children" in regard to their time issues. It hurts. Because i DO get it, that is part of the reason we don't have kids.
Wish i could make it better for you. Sigh.
i love what you said, "Because i DO get it, that is part of the reason we don't have kids.". exactly.
Yeah, I hear ya on this issue -- I have friends who had kids and now I rarely talk to them except via facebook. Which I'm okay with b/c I'm not much of a phone person, but it took me awhile to understand that this was it, we're not going to see each other or talk to each other as much anymore, even though I really tried to keep the relationship going.
This also is a similar case with being single with married or friends who have significant others. I admit, I was one of those who pushed my friends to the side and focused 100% on my new man -- I regret that, but I was young and didn't know the consequences.
Through the years I've come to truly rely on the few close friendships I have with people and hope to never be one of those who lets them go by the wayside.
I guess for you and me, it's easier b/c the way we communicate is 100% online (i think that's good though, b/c I CAN'T STAND talking on the phone) -- however in person would be ideal :)
I don't have many close friends who have had kids but my husband does. And if they do contact you, that seems to be all they talk about. I guess it kind of makes sense, but it can definitely kill the relationship. I bet not all parents are like that though.
I definitely do not feel as close to friends that have kids. We don't have any yet so they are just in a different place in their life.
Kids do take up a lot of time, but parents have to be willing to WORK on friendships. It can't be all one-sided.
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