o.k. i know we weren't speaking of friends, per se, but my head was. In a variety of ways, due to an abundance of activity in that way lately. first off, the friend that i've had since third grade is here this weekend, with her baby. exciting to meet lola...the kid i named, but really excited to see my friend. this is a person which, if you asked me, would i be crushed and feel like I had broken up a long time marriage if i didn't see her again...the answer would be yes. even more importantly, she is meeting t for the first time as well.
secondly, a few weeks ago, i noticed that i hadn't heard from another old friend (2nd grade), in a while. we usually go to lunch once a month or so. she had a child when we were in high school, so he is in high school now...we laugh...this person gets me. i do love her. there is little to say about it other than, when i am with her and we have left whereve we met...i feel like i was just a "home" for a while. i knew her well enough and know her well enough that she would be one of the few that would have run as fast as you can imagine into michael jackson's arms if he asked her to marry him. yes, it goes that deep. This friend, i hadn't heard from her in a bit and i noticed on facebook that someone said something about her being in l.a. i thought this was weird. so i wrote, "L.A.?" and i got an email back stating that while she would like to, she it's simply too long to put in an email but she had taken off, left her husband and CHILD here and gone to l.a. but again, too much to go into. really i've been your friend for 20 something years...and it's too much to go into. i didn't know what to say...really...so i told her that i wished her the best and I hope that she's o.k. something about ditching everyone you know and not telling them that you are moving to California doesn't seem o.k. to me.
then, i have a friend whom i love. we have not been in touch as much recently, and while i was planning on going to see her, i have since found out, i cannot afford to spend the money for the short amount of time that i would be there. is that awful? it's just something i can't do with the current state or lack thereof, of my finances.
then t and i started discussing the evolution of friendships and what makes them now that we are nearing our 40s. how hard it is to find "couple friends" who you feel fit into your lives. how you will never be as close to them, because we have families now. and as SoMi speaks states in her post "When those decisions arise, we need to be strong enough in our marriage and with each other to disagree with those around us. To choose what’s right for us." i like this. i was talking to t and was telling him that we are in a precarious position. we aren't sure if we will have kids in our lives. it's almost like people are teetering on the brink of not knowing how to "treat" us yet. it's like handling us with kid gloves, for lack of a better term. after a health scare with t last week...i've realized, that while i don't want to be dependent on people...i also want and need people around for support.
t and i talked about how when you are a "family" as we are, you find people that are into the "family". how you find people that fit to you and you to them. maybe you don't spend the time wtih them that you would have were you single, but you still gel.
it is a fine line we walk, my friends. how have you handled this in your relationships and friendships and getting older/evolving?
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speaking of friends
o.k. i know we weren't speaking of friends, per se, but my head was. In a variety of ways, due to an abundance of activity in that way lately. first off, the friend that i've had since third grade is here this weekend, with her baby. exciting to meet lola...the kid i named, but really excited to see my friend. this is a person which, if you asked me, would i be crushed and feel like I had broken up a long time marriage if i didn't see her again...the answer would be yes. even more importantly, she is meeting t for the first time as well.
secondly, a few weeks ago, i noticed that i hadn't heard from another old friend (2nd grade), in a while. we usually go to lunch once a month or so. she had a child when we were in high school, so he is in high school now...we laugh...this person gets me. i do love her. there is little to say about it other than, when i am with her and we have left whereve we met...i feel like i was just a "home" for a while. i knew her well enough and know her well enough that she would be one of the few that would have run as fast as you can imagine into michael jackson's arms if he asked her to marry him. yes, it goes that deep. This friend, i hadn't heard from her in a bit and i noticed on facebook that someone said something about her being in l.a. i thought this was weird. so i wrote, "L.A.?" and i got an email back stating that while she would like to, she it's simply too long to put in an email but she had taken off, left her husband and CHILD here and gone to l.a. but again, too much to go into. really i've been your friend for 20 something years...and it's too much to go into. i didn't know what to say...really...so i told her that i wished her the best and I hope that she's o.k. something about ditching everyone you know and not telling them that you are moving to California doesn't seem o.k. to me.
then, i have a friend whom i love. we have not been in touch as much recently, and while i was planning on going to see her, i have since found out, i cannot afford to spend the money for the short amount of time that i would be there. is that awful? it's just something i can't do with the current state or lack thereof, of my finances.
then t and i started discussing the evolution of friendships and what makes them now that we are nearing our 40s. how hard it is to find "couple friends" who you feel fit into your lives. how you will never be as close to them, because we have families now. and as SoMi speaks states in her post "When those decisions arise, we need to be strong enough in our marriage and with each other to disagree with those around us. To choose what’s right for us." i like this. i was talking to t and was telling him that we are in a precarious position. we aren't sure if we will have kids in our lives. it's almost like people are teetering on the brink of not knowing how to "treat" us yet. it's like handling us with kid gloves, for lack of a better term. after a health scare with t last week...i've realized, that while i don't want to be dependent on people...i also want and need people around for support.
t and i talked about how when you are a "family" as we are, you find people that are into the "family". how you find people that fit to you and you to them. maybe you don't spend the time wtih them that you would have were you single, but you still gel.
it is a fine line we walk, my friends. how have you handled this in your relationships and friendships and getting older/evolving?
secondly, a few weeks ago, i noticed that i hadn't heard from another old friend (2nd grade), in a while. we usually go to lunch once a month or so. she had a child when we were in high school, so he is in high school now...we laugh...this person gets me. i do love her. there is little to say about it other than, when i am with her and we have left whereve we met...i feel like i was just a "home" for a while. i knew her well enough and know her well enough that she would be one of the few that would have run as fast as you can imagine into michael jackson's arms if he asked her to marry him. yes, it goes that deep. This friend, i hadn't heard from her in a bit and i noticed on facebook that someone said something about her being in l.a. i thought this was weird. so i wrote, "L.A.?" and i got an email back stating that while she would like to, she it's simply too long to put in an email but she had taken off, left her husband and CHILD here and gone to l.a. but again, too much to go into. really i've been your friend for 20 something years...and it's too much to go into. i didn't know what to say...really...so i told her that i wished her the best and I hope that she's o.k. something about ditching everyone you know and not telling them that you are moving to California doesn't seem o.k. to me.
then, i have a friend whom i love. we have not been in touch as much recently, and while i was planning on going to see her, i have since found out, i cannot afford to spend the money for the short amount of time that i would be there. is that awful? it's just something i can't do with the current state or lack thereof, of my finances.
then t and i started discussing the evolution of friendships and what makes them now that we are nearing our 40s. how hard it is to find "couple friends" who you feel fit into your lives. how you will never be as close to them, because we have families now. and as SoMi speaks states in her post "When those decisions arise, we need to be strong enough in our marriage and with each other to disagree with those around us. To choose what’s right for us." i like this. i was talking to t and was telling him that we are in a precarious position. we aren't sure if we will have kids in our lives. it's almost like people are teetering on the brink of not knowing how to "treat" us yet. it's like handling us with kid gloves, for lack of a better term. after a health scare with t last week...i've realized, that while i don't want to be dependent on people...i also want and need people around for support.
t and i talked about how when you are a "family" as we are, you find people that are into the "family". how you find people that fit to you and you to them. maybe you don't spend the time wtih them that you would have were you single, but you still gel.
it is a fine line we walk, my friends. how have you handled this in your relationships and friendships and getting older/evolving?
5 comments:
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Sounds a little like a post i wrote today on a dear friend & the separation that has come. I don't know how to handle. I've had friends "move on" over the years & quite honestly never understood it. I found it very painful. If i wrote on all that this would be a very long comment indeed.
Because my own family was none too healthy i rather eschewed my family for quite a while. I believed i could "create my own family" of dear friends. And you can, to some degree. But there is still not the "never ending" commitment a family has. I've only one friend who i do believe will always be there no matter what. The others? Dear as they are - i don't know.
Don't know that this answers anything. It isn't easy. -
October 23, 2009 at 8:14 PM
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Oh I can relate on so many levels. My very best and oldest friend is someone I don't even need to use words with. And we only get to see each other once a year if we're lucky. I would be lost if we didn't keep in touch as much as we do. We grew up accross the street from each and I don't ever need to go into the background story of anything with her because most likely, she was already there. It IS hard to meet new friends as a couple with no kids. People look at us like we're freaks when we answer no to that always asked question. It's like we've got the no-kid cooties or something which is silly because I love children, I just don't have any right now....
Lately I've been lucky enough to meet a really good friend who I knew right away I had a good connection with. That's hard to do. It's easy to meet PEOPLE but so hard to meet a FRIEND, ya know? -
October 24, 2009 at 4:08 PM
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The whole 'friend' topic is interesting to me. You never know when a close friends will suddenly become a distant acquaintance. This is why I hold my family close and am grateful to have a sister who gets me and who I can depend on. I know not everyone gets to have that, so as I grow older, I become more appreciative of that, and also friendship in general.
It's so amazing to find someone who gets you... -
October 24, 2009 at 8:53 PM
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Hey - I'm there with you. I think it's something most thoughtful people and couples go through. If you think about the exchange we had before Duluth, I think you'll see that we're on the same page. As we get to this stage, we care less what others think, other "friends" if you will, and rely less on what our other "friends" think of our relationships with anyone other then themselves. Care less about the judgments of others, more about genuine connections with people we get - regardless of individual "family" situations. People 2 people straight up. I'm glad to count you and t as friends.
That said...I know you said something about his "health" last week after the invite to hit Lee Martinez but I didn't follow-up. Was assuming H1N1 like we've all been dealing with. What's up, something more serious?!?!I hope he's okay. -
October 26, 2009 at 12:05 AM
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I think everyone's definition of "friend" is different. And each friend might also be defined slightly differently, too. The key is, as you said, finding people you gel with. Who understand you. And accept the decisions you make, regardless of whether they'd make the same decisions for themselves.
BTW, hope everything's ok with T. -
October 26, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Posts
5 comments:
Sounds a little like a post i wrote today on a dear friend & the separation that has come. I don't know how to handle. I've had friends "move on" over the years & quite honestly never understood it. I found it very painful. If i wrote on all that this would be a very long comment indeed.
Because my own family was none too healthy i rather eschewed my family for quite a while. I believed i could "create my own family" of dear friends. And you can, to some degree. But there is still not the "never ending" commitment a family has. I've only one friend who i do believe will always be there no matter what. The others? Dear as they are - i don't know.
Don't know that this answers anything. It isn't easy.
Oh I can relate on so many levels. My very best and oldest friend is someone I don't even need to use words with. And we only get to see each other once a year if we're lucky. I would be lost if we didn't keep in touch as much as we do. We grew up accross the street from each and I don't ever need to go into the background story of anything with her because most likely, she was already there. It IS hard to meet new friends as a couple with no kids. People look at us like we're freaks when we answer no to that always asked question. It's like we've got the no-kid cooties or something which is silly because I love children, I just don't have any right now....
Lately I've been lucky enough to meet a really good friend who I knew right away I had a good connection with. That's hard to do. It's easy to meet PEOPLE but so hard to meet a FRIEND, ya know?
The whole 'friend' topic is interesting to me. You never know when a close friends will suddenly become a distant acquaintance. This is why I hold my family close and am grateful to have a sister who gets me and who I can depend on. I know not everyone gets to have that, so as I grow older, I become more appreciative of that, and also friendship in general.
It's so amazing to find someone who gets you...
Hey - I'm there with you. I think it's something most thoughtful people and couples go through. If you think about the exchange we had before Duluth, I think you'll see that we're on the same page. As we get to this stage, we care less what others think, other "friends" if you will, and rely less on what our other "friends" think of our relationships with anyone other then themselves. Care less about the judgments of others, more about genuine connections with people we get - regardless of individual "family" situations. People 2 people straight up. I'm glad to count you and t as friends.
That said...I know you said something about his "health" last week after the invite to hit Lee Martinez but I didn't follow-up. Was assuming H1N1 like we've all been dealing with. What's up, something more serious?!?!I hope he's okay.
I think everyone's definition of "friend" is different. And each friend might also be defined slightly differently, too. The key is, as you said, finding people you gel with. Who understand you. And accept the decisions you make, regardless of whether they'd make the same decisions for themselves.
BTW, hope everything's ok with T.
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