one of our mice died yesterday. it was awful, she had been having some issues and we didn't take her to the vet til yesterday and she died at the vets, while i was watching this all happen, as well as our other mouse. i get that it's a mouse and no, i'm not a crazy loon that's so upset about a mouse, i think it has to do with ever watching another warm blooded animal suffer...just terrible.
more importantly and exponentially more sad is that my friend from high schools mom just passed away a few days ago. i am in touch with this friend and her brother and have planned on attending this funeral, even though i don't remember the mom so well. the thought of what they are going through is just beyond me right now, and i think a funeral is not so much about the person that died, but the support of the people that are still here. so, needless to say, i planned on going.
last night though, i was sitting on a bike at the gym and seriously had a panic attack of some kind. i had been thinking of the mouse, of all things, and all of the sudden, just couldn't breathe. it all came all at once, all these thoughts to things i had been dealing with on a superficial level.
i am good at being alone, i really do like my alone space and not being bothered about it. however, there is a HUGE difference between being alone on a day to day basis, and being alone knowing that you have no more connections through family...
i've thrived being an only child. not for a day did i ever wish for a sibling....until yesterday. There is something about being an only child that people will never get, unless they are one. i'd venture to say that you wouldn't get this, even if you are estranged from a sibling. there is no one in the world that came from and experienced the same parents and in many cases, situations, as you and your siblings and your immediate family members. no matter how bad, or good. i've always been horrified of the thought of losing my parents and it is because of this. t has always been of the mindset that he does so many crazy things and works for insanely hard, that it wouldn't be an unlikely event for something to happen to him. and there...i would eventually be left with no family connection. i'm assuming this is a main reason why people have children. i always thought, "carrying on the family lines" was a ridiculous notion and i still do. however, the fact that we likely are not going to be adopting, has now come to mean a bigger thing to me, i guess. my "family" will stop at that point. and apparently the thought of being left with nothing, is stifling to me.
i like my connections to people, my family members in particular. the mouse dying, was in a the scheme of things, a mini-tragedy. but, i realized then that i need some more family members...preferably ones that are warm-blooded (no offense, toads.) and that live longer than 2 years. i don't know how you acheive this, but i need to do it for myself.
i'm rethinking the funeral thing...i just don't know that i could keep it together, watching these two people my age, lose their mom. but they have each other, as siblings, they have spouses, and they have children to keep those memories and family going.
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being an only and some other things
one of our mice died yesterday. it was awful, she had been having some issues and we didn't take her to the vet til yesterday and she died at the vets, while i was watching this all happen, as well as our other mouse. i get that it's a mouse and no, i'm not a crazy loon that's so upset about a mouse, i think it has to do with ever watching another warm blooded animal suffer...just terrible.
more importantly and exponentially more sad is that my friend from high schools mom just passed away a few days ago. i am in touch with this friend and her brother and have planned on attending this funeral, even though i don't remember the mom so well. the thought of what they are going through is just beyond me right now, and i think a funeral is not so much about the person that died, but the support of the people that are still here. so, needless to say, i planned on going.
last night though, i was sitting on a bike at the gym and seriously had a panic attack of some kind. i had been thinking of the mouse, of all things, and all of the sudden, just couldn't breathe. it all came all at once, all these thoughts to things i had been dealing with on a superficial level.
i am good at being alone, i really do like my alone space and not being bothered about it. however, there is a HUGE difference between being alone on a day to day basis, and being alone knowing that you have no more connections through family...
i've thrived being an only child. not for a day did i ever wish for a sibling....until yesterday. There is something about being an only child that people will never get, unless they are one. i'd venture to say that you wouldn't get this, even if you are estranged from a sibling. there is no one in the world that came from and experienced the same parents and in many cases, situations, as you and your siblings and your immediate family members. no matter how bad, or good. i've always been horrified of the thought of losing my parents and it is because of this. t has always been of the mindset that he does so many crazy things and works for insanely hard, that it wouldn't be an unlikely event for something to happen to him. and there...i would eventually be left with no family connection. i'm assuming this is a main reason why people have children. i always thought, "carrying on the family lines" was a ridiculous notion and i still do. however, the fact that we likely are not going to be adopting, has now come to mean a bigger thing to me, i guess. my "family" will stop at that point. and apparently the thought of being left with nothing, is stifling to me.
i like my connections to people, my family members in particular. the mouse dying, was in a the scheme of things, a mini-tragedy. but, i realized then that i need some more family members...preferably ones that are warm-blooded (no offense, toads.) and that live longer than 2 years. i don't know how you acheive this, but i need to do it for myself.
i'm rethinking the funeral thing...i just don't know that i could keep it together, watching these two people my age, lose their mom. but they have each other, as siblings, they have spouses, and they have children to keep those memories and family going.
more importantly and exponentially more sad is that my friend from high schools mom just passed away a few days ago. i am in touch with this friend and her brother and have planned on attending this funeral, even though i don't remember the mom so well. the thought of what they are going through is just beyond me right now, and i think a funeral is not so much about the person that died, but the support of the people that are still here. so, needless to say, i planned on going.
last night though, i was sitting on a bike at the gym and seriously had a panic attack of some kind. i had been thinking of the mouse, of all things, and all of the sudden, just couldn't breathe. it all came all at once, all these thoughts to things i had been dealing with on a superficial level.
i am good at being alone, i really do like my alone space and not being bothered about it. however, there is a HUGE difference between being alone on a day to day basis, and being alone knowing that you have no more connections through family...
i've thrived being an only child. not for a day did i ever wish for a sibling....until yesterday. There is something about being an only child that people will never get, unless they are one. i'd venture to say that you wouldn't get this, even if you are estranged from a sibling. there is no one in the world that came from and experienced the same parents and in many cases, situations, as you and your siblings and your immediate family members. no matter how bad, or good. i've always been horrified of the thought of losing my parents and it is because of this. t has always been of the mindset that he does so many crazy things and works for insanely hard, that it wouldn't be an unlikely event for something to happen to him. and there...i would eventually be left with no family connection. i'm assuming this is a main reason why people have children. i always thought, "carrying on the family lines" was a ridiculous notion and i still do. however, the fact that we likely are not going to be adopting, has now come to mean a bigger thing to me, i guess. my "family" will stop at that point. and apparently the thought of being left with nothing, is stifling to me.
i like my connections to people, my family members in particular. the mouse dying, was in a the scheme of things, a mini-tragedy. but, i realized then that i need some more family members...preferably ones that are warm-blooded (no offense, toads.) and that live longer than 2 years. i don't know how you acheive this, but i need to do it for myself.
i'm rethinking the funeral thing...i just don't know that i could keep it together, watching these two people my age, lose their mom. but they have each other, as siblings, they have spouses, and they have children to keep those memories and family going.
5 comments:
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Sometimes it takes shifts in life for you to figure out what you really need and want out of your own life.
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April 13, 2010 at 8:01 AM
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I am not an only child, so I can't relate, but I do sometimes think what life will be like for me - completely alone without a spouse or children after my parents go. I'll still have my brother and sister and their respective families, I'm sure, but you know - pondering being alone in my old age I guess. It's a terrible feeling.
I'm sorry about your mouse. Any being that we nurtured hurts our hearts when they go. -
April 13, 2010 at 9:54 AM
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I can't related on the being an only either, but I can understand. This is a big thing that a lot of only's have told me about. My brother in law's parent's were Only's..and when their parents passed -- they had no one to grieve with or understand and talk to about it with... you know what I mean. And because of it, they went on to have 7 children, a big family, to be there for each other.
I know you can get support from spouses and friends, but nothing quite compares to that of a sibling.
I'm so sorry about your mouse, that would upset me ... even if it's "just a mouse".
Time to get a dog -- it's not the solve all solution but I think it can help immensely -- they are therapeutic and love unconditionally .. like family :) -
April 13, 2010 at 11:07 AM
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I never thought of the only child thing the way you mentioned it before. Wow. It would be hard not to have that connection with your siblings - to share the experience of your parents with them.
I am so sorry to hear about the mouse and your friend's mom. I am a huge animal lover (hence veganism) and completely understand.
If you think you cannot handle the funeral, maybe only go to the reception after (if there is one?). Your friends will appreciate your support! In the end though, do what you think will make you most comfortable. Hope you feel better soon! -
April 13, 2010 at 2:49 PM
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thank you all for your insight on this. i was 1. glad to know that other onlys have this same thought and 2. glad to hear some suggestions. we got another mouse, because apparently, mice don't do well alone. they squabbled when we put them in the cage together, but then, as of this a.m., they were sleeping together! :)
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April 14, 2010 at 9:25 AM
Posts
5 comments:
Sometimes it takes shifts in life for you to figure out what you really need and want out of your own life.
I am not an only child, so I can't relate, but I do sometimes think what life will be like for me - completely alone without a spouse or children after my parents go. I'll still have my brother and sister and their respective families, I'm sure, but you know - pondering being alone in my old age I guess. It's a terrible feeling.
I'm sorry about your mouse. Any being that we nurtured hurts our hearts when they go.
I can't related on the being an only either, but I can understand. This is a big thing that a lot of only's have told me about. My brother in law's parent's were Only's..and when their parents passed -- they had no one to grieve with or understand and talk to about it with... you know what I mean. And because of it, they went on to have 7 children, a big family, to be there for each other.
I know you can get support from spouses and friends, but nothing quite compares to that of a sibling.
I'm so sorry about your mouse, that would upset me ... even if it's "just a mouse".
Time to get a dog -- it's not the solve all solution but I think it can help immensely -- they are therapeutic and love unconditionally .. like family :)
I never thought of the only child thing the way you mentioned it before. Wow. It would be hard not to have that connection with your siblings - to share the experience of your parents with them.
I am so sorry to hear about the mouse and your friend's mom. I am a huge animal lover (hence veganism) and completely understand.
If you think you cannot handle the funeral, maybe only go to the reception after (if there is one?). Your friends will appreciate your support! In the end though, do what you think will make you most comfortable. Hope you feel better soon!
thank you all for your insight on this. i was 1. glad to know that other onlys have this same thought and 2. glad to hear some suggestions. we got another mouse, because apparently, mice don't do well alone. they squabbled when we put them in the cage together, but then, as of this a.m., they were sleeping together! :)
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