i always thought that i'd forget

when you get to be at an age when you've had a few people come and go in your lives, i think that you start to be at a point where you don't "idealize" death. when i was little, i thought i'd remember certain things about someone forever and ever. after time has gone by, and days have passed, you realize...you forget those things.

even with my grandmother, who i was really close to...i only remember a few things. i remember her hugs, holy cow, could that little lady hug. i think if she literally could have shown you how much she loved you through her hugs....she would have. but really, for as much as i was with her, i don't literally remember vividly, a lot of things

i lived with my dog for 17 years. i remember getting him and picking him up for the first time. i remember what his fur was like, but not everything about him, not more than what pictures can show.

but my grandpa, i remember, almost everything. i always said that i would think of so and so every day that i lived...but that was not true...except for my grandpa. he is the one person who i wish i had started my hobby (in my head) of taking pictures of people's hands. he was missing a finger from a farm accident when he was younger. i had never noticed it was gone til i was in my late 20s. i remember what his skin felt like on his arms, i remember his smell, i remember the feel of the hospital bed that i sat on with him holding his hand, talking about what might happen to him...ridiculous now that i think about it...he was 89. i think i made myself remember these things. and now i'm so glad. so so glad.

but most of all, every day that i go to work, i see this, and remember when he climbed it at 80 years old. what a guy