mouth agape

i have a friend, the one that i wrote about a few posts back, that I've known since third grade. i was 100% sure that she was having a girl...there was no other option to me. it was so obvious to me, that in fact, i almost went ahead and bought many girl clothes the other day, to send to her. but, then i thought, "you know, you think you are so psychic, but you really are not" so, i refrained.

the other day, i posted on my facebook site that I had correctly guessed the sex of the baby. we all had a big laugh about it, obviously, since i DID have a 50/50 shot! I got made fun of, we laughed and then someone asked, what i "won" for doing this. I told them that I got to name the baby (JOKE). someone then asked if i would name the baby Cherie, jr. I told them "no, brian, i would name her "popsicle lola jean i'm a rockin baby smith, but we'll call her just lola for short"

i had never talked to my friend about what she was going to name her baby, because i just knew that she would not be thinking about it, until she saw her.

i just got a text this a.m.

welcome to the world, baby lola smith!

things i've learned about people, myself included

Image by zetson via Flickr

as time goes on, i think we, as human, learn a little more about humans each year. they are "a-ha" moments that are really no brainers, but they come to us after time. you know them innately, yet they are shown to you through different scenarios. you know those times?

i've learned:

1. the more someone talks about what they are, the more they are not. it most likely means they are trying to convince themselves and you that they are something that they just aren't. people who are that way....just are.

2. that just because you are a certain way towards someone, that doesn't mean that they will be the same to you. meaning, sometimes, things happen....you can be crappy to someone and that person can love you so unconditionally, that they continually are good to you. or vice versa.

3. that i feel very much alone in many things. i don't know if this has to do with being an only child, but i never felt this way when i was little.

4. that sometimes, because i'm a fixer and listener of people and situations, that people don't think that i need the same thing.

5. that you can say something a million times, but it all is nothing, unless you ACT that way.

6. that people who say that they "do things in their own time and way" really, just don't want to be told what to do, and the more you battle with them about it, they will NOT do it...just to "show" you.

7. lying is toxic, but excuses are worse

8. everyone deserves to be told that they are loved and the reasons why by the person whom they are spending the rest of their lives with, at least once. if you have not heard these things from them, i personally think that's settling. if that person has a "hard time" saying these things, that's an excuse...see #7. tell them to suck it up.

what are the things you've learned?

the big day

last weekend, my uncle george celebrated one of the biggest milestones that one can achieve...literally. he turned 90. that's not even a typo. seriously.

our family had a cabin in Estes Park, ever since i can remember. the first one was AWESOME. it was so cool. i played many a game of Hi-Ho-Cherry-O there. I climbed on rocks, i fished off the bridge, i got warned more than once, not to go too close to the river. we were a family there. a BIG family. you see, my grandmother and grandpa got married...then their siblings wed...each other. sounds weird, but in any case, it's not incestuous, and it made our family great, and big. we spent a lot of time up there. then, the cabin washed away in a flood. it wasn't salvagable in any way, so we sold it, and bought another....on a big hill. :)

after many years there, they sold it...i guess they caught on to the fact that only me, my cousin Jamie, and my cousin dean, used it.

so, all that to say, our family celebration this year, was in Estes. on the way up, i saw this elk

this little guy kept coming by

here is the cake. it was so cool. our family farmed land for years...ignore the fact that the people that made it made the carrots and radishes come up out of the ground, upside down. dont' worry, i didn't catch this, my 12 year old cousin did

uncle george liked the M & M's the best

seriously really good genes in this family. aren't they all cute?

and with the last picture, i'm not trying to perpetuate any stereotypes, but don't you think it's funny that ALL of my family members are taking the same picture? they all live in the same town for the most part and we all DO have email. you should have seen the big family reunion...hysterical.

all this to say that it was a very special day, with a very special family. times like these make you realize that that is what you have. no matter how many friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, come through your life....these are the people that are still there for you.

are things different than i thought they would be at this time, absolutely. i thought my grandpa would be there making us all yell "BONZAI", but he wasn't. i thought the person who was the healthiest family member (kids included) would be there, for sure...but he wasn't. i thought about him the whole time i was up there...i think there was some other people that thought the same.

but it also made me realize that there is a new generation that is coming up, that has grown apart...or at least more apart than the previous one. things are not the same, and it's a scary prospect for me, an only child, to say the least. i think there needs to be some changes. i sense a cousin bowling party coming on

oh yeah, i almost forgot

Image by wordman1 via Flickr

i was in petco the other day, like i usually am. and while waiting for my crickets, i saw this man, wandering around the bird enclosures. i noticed he was talking, but those birds can't hear through that glass, so i couldn't figure out what he was doing. turns out, he was talking to his little friend....on his shoulder.


so, of course, i had to go talk to him. this bird was awesome, he was talking like crazy...and checking out all the birds that he saw. i asked him how he was doing, he answered....yes, ANSWERED, and asked how i was doing. he was a mini macaw. cute as can be.

i love him and i want him

Mcklinky TUESDAY!!! favorite kid

this is definitely one of my favorite kids. she is the daughter of some friends that we have in MN. i think of this kid, because we already have so many funny, funny memories of her, and just laugh. she is a character, but the sweetest, sweetest little girl. this was us getting a Juicy Lucy in MN.

happy with what i got

i've read so many blogs this week about the aftermath of BlogHer. in some posts, it sounds like a great time....in others, it sounds, well...not so great.

when i found out that there was such an event, i immediately talked to my friend Juni about attending next year (that girl didn't want to miss her family reunion in HAWAII to go this year...i don't know what is the matter with her, lol). anyway, we made a "pact", not in blood or anything, but we were going. what was funny is that she immediately said, "let's go" and then afterwards asked what it was. that is just how SHE rolls.

then, a day ago, i found out that next year's will be in NYC....what could be better. one of my favorite cities, on top of the fact that juni is in NJ. perfect

i'll say that i have read many more not so good reviews than good ones. now, i'm not saying that i'm going to base my entire going/not going on these....but they are something to think about. especially since, some of them touched on some things that i was already worried about. the inevidible cliquiness of the event, the sorority like aura...it just freaked me out. i thought maybe it was just me, and my penchant for avoiding big gigantic groups of women...since birth. but, after reading some of these reviews, i find myself in the company of many other women as well.

i will say that there was one observation that threw me for a loop, but after thinking about it, absolutely makes sense. that even if you LOVE someone in their blog...you may not like them in person. and in fact, how this is more likely to happen, than you loving them.

then, i realized how lucky i was with my juni. we became fast friends... i wrote to her when she was changing her blog to private, so that i could get my very own password...along with a question on how to post pictures (now THAT is funny). she helped me through a very hard time in my life and on top of it, because we share the same culture, she "got" me, in all of these times. we met, and she was the same as she was always...it really couldn't have been any better.

the asian festival

i went to the Denver Chinese Dragon Boat racing festival this weekend. wanted to go for years. i rallied the troops, and got my cousin, his girlfriend, and my friend, to go. i guess when i look for any kind of festival, i look for many of the booths/food to have something to do with the culture that we are "festivaling". instead, i found: gyros and pizza. yes, i'm serious. i would have taken some beautiful pictures of amazing asian art, fabulous dancing, and, of course, the boat racing. alas, i didn't see either of these. instead, i saw this:
we left and got margaritas instead.

the one

Image by EveChia via Flickr

i have had many people in my life have kids. obviously...it's natural. most of the time, my range of emotions when this was happening, was along the lines of pure excitement to a tinge of sadness. the sadness was me being selfish and knowing that my friendship with that person was about to change. not because i wanted it to, but because i knew that person well enough to know that their lives were going to do a 180 turn with the arrival of their child.

i have a friend, who is about to have a baby, and i will say that this experience has been ridiculously different than any other than i have had. most people that i've known to have kids, are 1. relatives or 2. friends that i've met in my adult life.

but THIS one...this one is the one i met in third grade as i sat across from the lunch table from her on her first day of school and convinced her that she was going to love the school so much, it wouldn't matter if her parents moved to AZ in 4th grade. she would want to stay here. she's the one that i consinstently saw year after year, after her family DID move, and yet we still managed to stay BEST FRIENDS throughout. She is the the one with pigtails that needed to be curled with velcro rollers everyday. she is the one i wore our atrocious catholic uniforms with. she is the one that i had matching outfits with until the age of 18. she is the one that would drop whatever she was doing to help out with things (if i had let her), when my dad was sick. she is the one that invited me to be there while her baby is being born.

there is no bittersweet sadness that will be in my heart for this one. none. i am so excited for this to happen to her and her husband, i cannot even tell you. every time i think about it, i tear up...

i can't wait

(there is absolutely no relavance at ALL to the picture that i posted on here, other than that kid looks exactly like me when i was little.)

just a little reminder

Image by CarlosXS via Flickr

we get caught up in life. i know, it happens to everyone.

i know, also, that not everyone can drop everything for everyone. i know, that i am probably more giving/easygoing, than i need to be. how do i know this? because i find myself shocked on a daily basis that humans, some of them being my own friends, cannot give a crap enough to say, "hey, how are you doing today?" or, after i have listened to countless hours of issues from them, how it is too much for people to call or pick up the phone when i'm calling.

you may read that above statement and go, "what a brat!" but it's not that i even remotely think that someone should drop everything to talk to me, i don't. but what i do find hurtful, is that when i have called someone everyday for 3 weeks, that there is not ONE MINUTE, that they couldn't give a rip and call or TEXT back.

i give a lot to relationships and friendships, i always have. if someone i knew had a problem, i have no issue with stopping what i am doing and listening. i don't intend to change completely, but i have found myself retreating a bit. granted, maybe my life doesn't have as many ups and downs as most...it's pretty even keel, but it doesn't make it less. i don't think that i expect the same from my friends, but i do expect some level of, (if you are calling me your "closest friend"), reciprocation.

you have GOT to love a creative mind

i was searching waterproof mp3 players today and this is the description that i found of one of them:

"Waterproof MP3 player for water sports enthusiasts or shower fanatics"

it ALMOST made me want to buy it. but i refrained....lest i turn into a shower fanatic.

Mcklinky TUESDAY recipe!

This is NOT an original recipe and i do not claim it to be, as i wouldn't have dreamed of coming up with some heaven like this. it's making me want to eat it. This is from www.thepioneerwoman.com. and is one of the most, bestest things i have had/made. we had it with mashed potatoes and corn. it makes me drool. don't be fooled into thinking that you can BUY barbeque sauce for this. get off your butt and make it, because 1. it only has really simple ingredients and 2. it is so much better than what you will get in the store.

BBQ Meatballs - Comfort Food to the Max
Meatballs
1 1/2 pounds ground beef
3/4 cup oats
1 cup milk
3 tablespoons very finely minced onion
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
plenty of ground black pepper
Sauce
1 cup ketchup
2 tablespoons sugar
3 tablespoons vinegar
2 tablespoons Worcestershire
4 to 6 tablespoons onion
Dash of Tabasco
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine all meatball ingredients. Roll into medium-small balls and place on a cookie sheet. Place sheet in freezer for five minutes.
Remove from freezer and immediately dredge in unseasoned flour.
Brown meatballs in canola oil until just brown. Place into a baking dish.
Combine all sauce ingredients. Pour over meatballs and bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Serve with egg noodles, mashed potatoes, or crusty french bread.

i'm protected

Image by Daniel Y. Go via Flickr

i have had the same bank for 30 years. it's a good bank, or was, until it started merging, time and time again. after a couple of minor mishaps, i decided it was probably time to move on to one of the "fancy" national banks. you know, no bells and whistles, just banking...you hold my money that i earn and then i spend it. no big deal.

i got this account and sat down with a rep at said bank and when asked the question if i wanted checks, i answered no. first off, i was still leaving my other account open for some time. Secondly, if i were going to get checks, i was not going to get their generic "you bank here" checks. i was going to get ones that made a statement about life. you know the kind. i had a conversation with the rep about this and why i was declining checks.

i happened to wonder why i had not received my debit card after two weeks, and looked online at my account. i noticed, oddly enough, that $25.00 was deducted from my account, so i looked into it further, called the bank, and found that it was because someone had ordered me checks. aren't THEY sweet? i called, told of the mistake and also about the blatant security breach that was done by ordering checks with my money without my permission. i was "given" the checks...they refunded my money and that was that.

yesterday, i got a notice in my email stating that there was a security breach in my account. HALLELUIAH! they caught it, finally, a bank that's looking out for the little people. as i'm gleefully, clicking away to new links, i get to the official email from the bank that there has been a security breach AND they have taken appropriate steps and put a hold on my entire account. "WOW", i think, "they listen AND are taking 'appropriate steps'!" how lucky can one girl get, i wonder?

then, i start reading. my account is on hold for an undetermined amount of time, due to a suspicious DEPOSIT. WHAT? i call them...thinking something MUST be wrong. how can me depositing my pay check into MY bank account be suspicious? i mean, i know i'm not full of money, but surely even poverty line folk deposit checks?

i was then told that until it was established that i was a valid (not a criminal with demonic lasers coming out of my eyes and fangs that show only at night)customer, they would put holds on my deposits. that the only way that i could "get out of" these holds is for me to go inside the branch, each time i was depositing, and talk nicely (beg and plead) with a teller to see if they would please grant me mercy and PUT MONEY INTO THEIR BANK.

that's all i have to say about it

i have some perspective now

Image by Ben Lawson via Flickr

i guess maybe it was the spontaneity of the race? it was sucking me into it. there was no reason why a duathlon that was 3miles/18miles/3miles should have been hard. i mean, i do that on a regular basis anyway, right?

wrong. it was hard, and by hard, i mean today, my hamstrings feel like they are ripped out and dragging on the ground. nice visual...i know.

but i feel good for doing it, maybe i would have decided sooner? i don't know that it really would have mattered. i ran faster than i had before. i also helped some toads, a turtle, and an 80 year old man, along the way. so it was philanthropic as well.

it was good

the sequence of events

6pm friday night- i'm making plans to go watch my friend to a duathlon, to just see how it all works

9pm friday night-i'm wondering why it never occurred to me to just DO said duathlon?

10:30pm friday night-i'm putting quick laces in my shoes and getting ready to wake up at 4am to do the duathlon

i'll get back to you on the rest of this when i can walk again...until then, i hope you all had a fabulous weekend!

my prayers have been answered...well, one of them.

Image via Wikipedia

i would say, that i'm not a huge meat eater. it's not that i don't like it, but the health factors of eating lot of red meat...not good. we also have a dilemma in our house that makes us, more times than not, to eat red meat. those are food allergies. we are still unsure as to what they really are. we know for sure that milk and whey will lead me to find my husband in a benadryl coma on the floor because he has to take 4 so that his throat will not swell shut. we thought that chicken was an issue, but sometimes, he can eat it. it's hard to find stuff to eat, is my point, but ESPECIALLY in restaurants. most of the time, he can get a steak, but the mashed potatoes that come with it, have milk in them, or the veggies, are drowned in butter.


THIS RESTAURANT is heaven to us. yes, we know that we are likely losing a year or so on our life spans. what? there is something wrong with eating 10 three ounce filets. just calm your minds, for a night...i swear, you go once...you're hooked

10 things

i got this, from a number of people that i visited this week...i couldn't name them all, but it's a spin off on the Mcklinky Tuesday



5 things i love/5 things i unlove...or don't love



1. i shamefully love reality TV. I don't get into American Idol and the like, but if the show presents people in the light of being "human", i'm all over it. there is this show, "solitary", on the reality channel. i watched a day marathon of the thing. i couldn't take my eyes off of it.

Image by Mayu ;P via Flickr

2. i love japanese things and people (especially my family and friends!). i love the fact that everything is packaged just so. i love the fact that everything that is supposed to be big, is made small. i love that the food, especially the candy, is just divine and i don't feel bad eating it.

3. i love fall days. i have about just moved from colorado this year, because of this humidity that seems to think it has moved in permanently. i love colorado weather, but give me rain and cooler weather anyday

4. i love animals. they don't need to have fur on them...if they can look at you...they are all right in my book

5. i love being in a relationship where i can be myself (read: watch reality tv). no, seriously, i love the fact that while i am not dependent on my relationship to sustain me, that i would rather be with him, ALL OF THE TIME, than without. just so happens, we don't see each other a whole lot, so it all works out...absence makes the heart grow fonder.

5 things i do not like..i have a tough time writing this, because i don't want it to be perceived that i'm thinking about them all the time. i'm a pretty positive person and am actually usually ridiculously so, the worse the situation is.

1. i have been stewing on this one for a while...so shoot me if i have some negative thoughts...every once in a while. i do not like it when you are walking down the street, not thinking ANYTHING at all, but just happy to be walking down the street, and someone that you do not know, tells you to smile. there is NOTHING that is more irritating to me than that, for a couple of reasons. 1. because you don't know what kind of day i've had and maybe my pet toads were wiped out by a serious toad plague....you just don't know. 2. because 100% of the time that this has happened to me, i have not been upset in the least....just because i choose not to walk down the street with a dumb#%$ ! grin on my face, is NOT your problem. i smile a LOT, and i am confident in the fact that i do it more than the average person...so step off

i feel much better now

2. i don't like when people use ANY excuse for not talking to me about something that clearly needed to be talked about

Image by Cyron via Flickr

3. i do not like it when people are entitled to things.



4. i do not like cockroaches...maybe this is a given?




5. i do not like friend fights when i am almost 35 years old. those were for high school and i'm sure i had my time for those...all i know is...it's not now.

this touched me today

not in the good, fuzzy way you'd like to be touched. but it's from a blog that i read each time this person posts. i have very little in common with this person, but for some reason am compelled to read it every single time. i think that today i found my reason in a single post, with this line:

"Part of the problem with loving a friend so wholly is that they can catch you completely off-guard, and hurt you in such a startlingly unexpected way."

This woman deals, on a daily basis with the, oh so sudden, loss of her child. and most of the time, I don't know that i really relate to much that goes on, but i do read. but this post, is so profoundly written, to me, and it makes me ache for her in knowing that while she is dealing with the obvious grief that she has, that she is also being made to deal with shenanegans from a person that she thought of or thinks of, as a friend.

my heart filled for this woman today.

thought for the day

Image by Jam Adams via Flickr

i was talking to a person, a few years back, about the fact that they were getting a breast augmentation. "wow," i said, "what is making you make that decision?" she replied, as matter of factly as she could:

"i think it's going to help my gambling out, a lot."

Mcklinky TUESDAY!!!

It’s Mcklinky Tuesday! You know what that means? Or maybe you don’t. Anyway, the topic today is “three things you don’t know about me” I don’t intend to really do this to the fullest, because I think that there are some people that read this that know quite a bit about me…so you’ll have to live hearing things about me that you’ve heard 50 times. For the new readers, I’m sure you will be nothing less than enthralled at these new bits of information about me.

1. almost two years ago, my dad received a gift from a stranger that saved his life. O.k, I know, this is not about ME, per se, but since I’m an only child, this is one of the most important things that have happened in my lifetime. Long story short, he had a couple forms of hepatitis…not from doing anything funky, but just from being born. His great liver fought all of these diseases off, only to destroy the liver in the process. He was then declared the sickest person within a distance of 5 states, and was put on the donor list, after interviewing the family like mad to make sure he wasn’t boozing it up. On October 22, someone gave their organs so that other people could live. Two questions that always are asked: 1. has your dad talked to.

Image by serenejournal via Flickr

the donors family. Answer: yes. They have exchanged letters. This person’s mom wrote and said that he would be especially proud of the fact that my dad had received the liver because the man’s friend died of liver disease…prompting him to become a donor on that day. 2. did he transform into a different person with someone else’s organs in him. Answer: no…unless that someone was even more stubborn than my dad was. In all seriousness, the only things that have changed were the fact that he now consumes three items that he didn’t like before: bean burritos, Big Macs and Fried chicken

2. I do not like animated movies, for the most part. it is so bad, that I didn’t seen SHREK for about 6 years after it was made..and one of my closest friends helped make it (cringe here). It, in fact, was stellar. But if you are going to show me mindless things with cute things running around on the screen (i.e. Wall-E) count me out. one of the best animated things i've ever seen, was THE MAXX. check it out sometime. it's hard to find.

3. I love almost all things Japanese. Maybe it’s because I’m half, but I don’t know…any culture that can take things as gross as pickled plums and package them in cute little boxes and make people want to eat them, is o.k. with me. The fact that most things that are Japanese, really should not exist, is fabulous to me. Case in point:

mixing it up

i went today with my friend, to Boulder. it is her birthday and she wanted to go to a couple new stores. i said, (sigh) "twist my arm". i have been working hard this week. to be honest, it's like the most hard i've worked in the time that i've been here for six years.





it was SO nice to get out there and to not be at work, when i was supposed to be. o.k., i wasn't playing hooky or anything. i had worked overtime and in these hard economic times, the bossman wanted me to leave and take time off, rather than pay. makes sense.








we went to this store. i'm not a shopper. i don't really love it, i have a hard time spending time doing it, and usually, i'm not the most happy when i'm doing it. something about today was different. i bought this dress:

if you can imagine in your mind how it feels: like a cloud.

yes, it's that good. got it?

then, i got a little black dress. it's cotton, but made by Patagonia, and well, what can i say, everything in that store was so cute when we tried it on, we literally had to stop trying things on. it was like a funny, surreal dream. nice

we went to look at some glasses for my friend. found some for $230. now, i'll let you know when i'm good at things, and one thing that i AM good at: finding bargains. we went home, and i found them for $180 instead. it makes me SO happy to find a deal, i think, even more so when i find one for someone else.

i also got some laces for my shoes during the triathlon. they are pink. and cute, even though they are just for function.

what a great day!

summertime

the herbs. i still don't know what they are. the left is basil...after that, it's a crapshoot

the cucumbers that will be dragging on the ground soon

the lavender....just so i can rip a sprig off everytime i go outside and go "MMMM"

the tomatoes...we don't eat them...but we will

and here is the little toadlette. to give you an idea of size, his body, is about the length of a dime. maybe. he is cute.

i love things that are alive. they make a house. these are the alive things i've been consuming myself with this summer

the day i took a leap

i was reading the other day about a canadian friend saying that they didn't like dwelling too much in the past and the future, and i thought, "what a great concept". in reality, the only moment that matters is...now. the present. AND furthermore, what is even more deep about that, is that at some time....everything in the past, was a present moment.

so, i was thinking more about that and realizing that i LOVE to think about the past, not in a vengeful, "i'm going to poke so so's eyes out because they said something nasty about me 10 years ago", but more of a remniscent type of way. what i have found that doing to me lately though, is making me feel very lost in a way. lost in the sense that, there was a time, when i had a group of friends, that lived in the same town as me, that were all, the center of my world.

now, as time has progressed, we have all moved on, people have gotten married, gotten divorced, had kids...well, you know...moved on and made a life for themselves. and what i've found is that i'm in a city where i don't have that close-knit group anymore. and moreover, i still keep in touch with all of them from before, except one, but we are at SUCH different spaces in our lives (read: they have kids, and i don't).

Image via Wikipedia

so, i started thinking about how when i lived with my roommate from grad school, she knew that i thought the sun rose and set on her...and i think she thought the same about me.

o.k....i know, the past...but it's to get to a point at the end, that pertains only to the present. i have to give some background.

The year: 1998. i had just decided, on a whim, to go to grad school because i had realized, inconveniently, that i couldn't get job with the degree i had worked so hard to get in undergrad. i ended up deciding that i would apply to whatever schools i could, that were good for that social worky type of thing. i ended up getting into UT Austin. Great, i say. it's close by (from Waco, where i was living), it's cheapish (since i was in state), and it just so happened to be the #2 school for social work in the country. i digress...

i met someone through someone else and she too, was moving to austin at the same time. i was going to live with her, but as it got closer, something didn't seem right. then, i got a call saying, was it o.k. if we looked for a 4 bedroom, because she had 2 other friends that wanted to live with us. that was not o.k. i wanted a situation, where, at least if i was all new to everything around me, i was at least comfortable in my house. so, i started over.

i got a hold of this SHADY guy, that had a job where he met a whole bunch of new people to Austin, and showed us around, one by one, driving us to apartments and such. i don't know how he got compensated and looking back on it, i think he was trying to chase some new tail in town...he had a broken down car, and no air conditioning. it was charming. but, he showed me about 4 places. they were cool. i liked one of them, and as i was leaving, he said, "i'm not in this business, but do you need a roommate?" i said, "sure" he said, "there was this girl who i showed around yesterday, she came down here with her dad from Kansas. she seemed like an o.k. girl, you should call her"

so, i did. and two hours later, i got off the 2 hour phone call that i had just had with my future roommate.....o.k., really, it was her mom. but hey, i figured, i got along with her mom, so she must be o.k. too. i talked to her (the roommate) as soon as she got into town and her mom told her all about me and we discussed. most of all, how we were not going to be best friends, how we should not expect it, and how we should just plan on living our own lives and have a nice place to live with an amiable environment.

we met and seriously, never left each other's sides the whole two years. she was a 5 foot tall, crazy, intelligent woman, who danced in the aisles of grocery stores, being a human beatbox before it was cool (oh, that's not cool?). we would hang out, every second that we were not in classes....it was almost a travesty that she was doing spanish linguistics. i wanted her in my family...seriously, i tried setting my cousin up with her (they did kiss at my wedding). we drove through three hours of austin traffic when her car had been towed, to the impound lot, we won karaoke contests on 6th street, singing god knows what songs together, i watched as her dream relationship broke off, leaving this strong person, reduced to a sad, lonely shell (if only for a few days). i drove her to her audition for "RENT", only to drive away laughing as we talked about how she forgot the words for what song she was singing. I took her to see Jesus Christ Superstar to have her announce "jesus is HOT" in the mezzanine where the actors pictures were posted. we talked about serious things, then not so serious things....like: why people didn't have more "lounging outfits" i came home on a hangover saturday that next weekend to find her with real world marathons playing on the TV, the futon pulled out to a bed, and her, in an outfit, like i have never seen. she wore sweatpants....but over her whole body. and she belted it.

i started thinking of how much i missed her. how much i missed that friendship, but i know she knows how much i missed it and how it was then.

so, i started thinking that i needed her to know how much i miss her friendship NOW, and although neither one of us would trade our lives now for what it was then, that i missed that closeness and fully acknowledge that i likely will not find that again, but how incredibly grateful i am to have her in my life now. it is on an email that she checks from time to time, so i know she will not get it right away, but i'm just excited to have written it and to be living in the now about it. instead of missing what i had, it's a lot easier to be thankful for what you have now and what is real.

my picture of the week

this is a picture that we took about two years ago today in front of our house, as it was being built. wow, i can't believe i've stayed somewhere for two years. i still love it, i love having a home, and i love being stable.

McLinky!

i heard about this and am so excited. it's McLinky...just another way to find some great blogs!

My blog is just about my life....aptly titled "just me". i completely realize that things may not be as exciting as others on this page, and to be honest, they are not supposed to be. i don't make up things to write, but just do as they come to mind. i've met some of my best friends while doing this and look forward to making more. i'm 34, living in Colorado in a house, that i had built two years ago with my husband. we have fun, we have fun lives, although chaotic at times, but we always make sure that things are going well with us. i usually live by the glass half full motto, am fully into believing that my thoughts can overcome anything caused by my genetics. i'm half japanese, half irish, and for the most part, am used to people asking "what are you?" i think that stereotypes are there for a reason, i hate watermelon, and we have pet toads. that's about it

he WAS as good as i thought

you know how sometimes you think, "maybe i was just biased? they couldn't have been THAT awesome." I do that a lot. not with people that i have lost, but with my dog. i think i do it because i think that logically, it sounds silly that a dog was that cool.

i was in 7th grade, and was all icky and teenagery. o.k., it probably wasn't that bad, but it felt like it. i was having a great time, doing the stuff i always did for the summer, volleyball, playing with friends, just starting a new jr. high school. out of the blue, i was driving down Hwy 119 with my grandma in her cadillac (picture...little japanese woman that is likely looking through the steering wheel to see and she is starting to lecture me). she says, "you need a dog, you are an only child, you MUST be lonely (i wasn't) and i've decided you need a dog. I don't care what your parents think"

so there it was.

i went home to let my parents know the fate that had been dealt to us, because of course they couldn't say no....my grandma had made it o.k.

oh, minor detail...my mom being deathly allergic to dogs and all.

we found a breed that she could deal with, or at least not have her lungs swell up and go into convulsion at, and that was a shih tzu. i will admit, at the time, i didn't think about what KIND of dog i wanted....just that i wanted one.

we left to go look at 5 or 6 different breeders in the area...and their dogs. i did not know this, but my dad threatened my mom's life if she DARE make a peep about how cute they were because by GOD, we are "just lookign and not coming home with one of those things". of course, this many years later, i don't remember a thing about the first 5 places. but the 6th place was different. we got out of the car, started to the yard, and the lady opened the door and what seemed like 10 puppies, freshly bathed, came running out onto the lawn.

then, i remember my dad looking at my mom like, "DUH" and he said the three words that changed everything, "Write a check"

i named him cooper, it seemed like fate. i think i liked a guy with that last name in jr. high and i think when we were driving past a real estate sign on the way home, i think someone had that last name too. (sigh)

i thought he was so great....but even more so, my dad thought he was great. this dog got through my dad's hard exterior and made him outwardly show afffection to this ball of fur who, in his own cat-like ways, made you aware that you were loving him on HIS terms...not your own.

he was here for 17 years. when we had to put him down, i stayed in the room. when we were leaving the room afterwards, i didn't see, but my dad cut some of his fur off to keep. he joked that he was going to tie fly fishing flies with it, but he didn't...he kept it somewhere.

the other day, this man who had done work on the house through the years came over to work on the "newer" house that my parents have been in for a little while. i was thinking to myself, "i wonder if he misses cooper?" cooper followed him around the house relentlessly. he would have for sure gone home with him if given the chance. it was how we knew that people were good...he was a great judge of character.

he was painting the woodwork around the door and stopped, wiped his eyes...i was watching him out the corner of my eyes. he said, "man, i sure do miss him"

he didn't say who....he didn't need to.

i was just minding my own business....

i was on my bike inside on the trainer last night, flipping through from time to time and seeing what was on the tv. i had it on (two very worthy contenders) "America's got Talent" and "Clean House: the messiest home in America" See, it was even 4th of July, USA theme based. anyway,
i was flipping back and forth, because i thought that neither was so good that they would hold my attention for more than 2 minutes at a time.

i ended up seeing one of the more disturbing shows that i've seen last night. there was a woman and her daughter that were on the show of Clean House. the daughter had written in, basically saying in a nutshell that she had lived her whole life in a filthy, cluttered home and she was done living this way. she had, in fact, moved out of her home, only to have to move in a few years later, because she had "spent all her money"

Clean house came to the rescue, by claiming them the "messiest house in america" for the year and got to work. if you are unfamiliar with the show, they take a home, make a huge garage sale, then redo the home. at some point, they typically have a "moment" where it is realized that the reason why they "gave up" is because aunt prissy died and it made them just not care anymore about anything, so they decided (um, o.k.) to live in filth. no, all kidding aside, it usually does point out the psychology behind what they are doing, and hopefully get them to find other ways to deal with their problems (read: neurosis), so that they can break the cycle.

problem: this quite overweight woman didn't think she had one...a problem, that is. she continually refused to admit that the fact that she had no working water in her home, or that she had no visible wall space because things were piled so high, could possibly be out of the realm of what "normal" people do. She had over 200 jackets, most with tags on, that she said were all old. After many issues (the daughter stomping off and peeling out in a car when the host of the show was trying to talk to her, and then saying that she did nothing wrong), they actually made it to the reveal day, where they were showing them their "new" working house. It was nice...i mean, really nice. The cast spent $100,000 fixing the house, that was filled with rats, molding things from the washer flooding the space (the owner decided to let things sit in there til the water dried out...then left the items in the space).

the homeowner, during the reveal was moved almost to tears. it was amazing. but then she realized that some box with her purses was gone. she freaked....and left.

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