dream: My cousin was walking around and saying "Colorado is so weird" I look at where he is lookng and someone is walking a muskrat on a leash. I said, "so what, it's no big deal, I saw someone the other day walking an exotic duck on a leash (really did)" We turn the corner and there is a guy pushing a stroller with a skunk inside. hmmmm
My dreams have now been inundated with birds for the past three years. probably because I take pictures nonstop of them. I have cranes and hawks clouding my dreams. it used to be whales. i wonder what that says.
the weekend is here
i just met these great people. they are around my age and are spending their life savings coming and taking a blind leap of faith, moving across the country to open up a business. they are basing their decision on, well....not a lot. they are thinking that since there are none of these businesses around, that their will do well. they are such a cute couple, happy as can be, and somewhat naive...which is terrific. i love my job when it comes to things like this. It's just too fun. we are going house shopping tomorrow too. oh i just love it.
We are training for the marathon. I have found that I'm not into this training thing in a short amount of time. if you asked me, I would say that I am not ready to do this with all of the preparation that i have done with the others. You know when you go into a test and you find out you overstudied? remember that? Well, this is not that. Will I be ready for the ones in the future...yep. am i ready now? nope
I have people in my life going through so many different things right now. Really, i dont' think there has been one time when i have had such an abundance of different situations in one time. a friend left her husband this week. he gets violent when he drinks....he drinks...a lot. she is going back to him. he will not get counseling, but he will go to talk to a friend who used to drink. and it almost ruined him. i have someone who is in the depths of despair, not because there is something really wrong, but because the chemicals in his brain are not working correctly and it makes him sad. i have friends that complain because their lives are one way, yet right now, when they have the opportunity to start over, i am really able to see why they are in this predicament to begin with. nothing has changed, nothing will change, because to me, nothing can change when you are sitting in your house, sleeping or playing video games.
We are training for the marathon. I have found that I'm not into this training thing in a short amount of time. if you asked me, I would say that I am not ready to do this with all of the preparation that i have done with the others. You know when you go into a test and you find out you overstudied? remember that? Well, this is not that. Will I be ready for the ones in the future...yep. am i ready now? nope
I have people in my life going through so many different things right now. Really, i dont' think there has been one time when i have had such an abundance of different situations in one time. a friend left her husband this week. he gets violent when he drinks....he drinks...a lot. she is going back to him. he will not get counseling, but he will go to talk to a friend who used to drink. and it almost ruined him. i have someone who is in the depths of despair, not because there is something really wrong, but because the chemicals in his brain are not working correctly and it makes him sad. i have friends that complain because their lives are one way, yet right now, when they have the opportunity to start over, i am really able to see why they are in this predicament to begin with. nothing has changed, nothing will change, because to me, nothing can change when you are sitting in your house, sleeping or playing video games.
Family conversations
Mom: Who were those people that we used to go see practice baseball?
Dad: The San Francisco Giants. Hey we could go see them. We could see Barry Bonds. You want to go see a Jerk?
Mom: Why is he a jerk?
Dad: He just is one
G-pa: Did they ever find out if he did steroids?
Dad: No, I think he's just a jerk
G-pa: Well, I was thinking....I think that maybe I need steroids(note: My grandpa is 88 years old and a small, Japanese man)
Mom: No, I don't think that that is what they are forG-pa: Well, they make you stronger, maybe all seniors should take themMom: I think it messes up your heart too
G-pa: But seniors need strength and I think it may help
Dad: You'd be dead before you even noticed that you were strong.
G-pa: You'd have strong legs. I think seniors need it
Dad: It's not like Viagra, Dad
G-pa: I'm not talking about Viagra, seniors don't need that, I'm talking about being stronger
Dad: It makes certain parts of your body smaller too, Dad
G-pa: Well, who cares about that when you're a senior. I just would want strong legs from it.
Ta-da....my family.
Dad: The San Francisco Giants. Hey we could go see them. We could see Barry Bonds. You want to go see a Jerk?
Mom: Why is he a jerk?
Dad: He just is one
G-pa: Did they ever find out if he did steroids?
Dad: No, I think he's just a jerk
G-pa: Well, I was thinking....I think that maybe I need steroids(note: My grandpa is 88 years old and a small, Japanese man)
Mom: No, I don't think that that is what they are forG-pa: Well, they make you stronger, maybe all seniors should take themMom: I think it messes up your heart too
G-pa: But seniors need strength and I think it may help
Dad: You'd be dead before you even noticed that you were strong.
G-pa: You'd have strong legs. I think seniors need it
Dad: It's not like Viagra, Dad
G-pa: I'm not talking about Viagra, seniors don't need that, I'm talking about being stronger
Dad: It makes certain parts of your body smaller too, Dad
G-pa: Well, who cares about that when you're a senior. I just would want strong legs from it.
Ta-da....my family.
5 things I will never do again
1. Wax my best friend's armpits for her. I need not say more....but I will. This, for anyone wondering, is a horrible process and should never be done.
2. Trying to get something from someone that I KNOW in my heart will never be returned to me. Some people are just mean people and will not change. You are just degrading yourself by trying to constantly get whatever it is returned to you. Move on with life.
3. Dye my hair blonde (me too, June) I am half-Japanese, there is a reason why my hair was "made" this way and having straw on my head for the next year is not appealing.
4. I will never not make time for my family. This means, giving in to moments of insanity when your little cousin calls and asks you to ride a bike with him because he needs a guardian. "o.k." you say, thinking, this will be a nice, leisurely afternoon with him...until he tells you that he signed up for the 100k.
5. Give up who I am for someone else. enough said
2. Trying to get something from someone that I KNOW in my heart will never be returned to me. Some people are just mean people and will not change. You are just degrading yourself by trying to constantly get whatever it is returned to you. Move on with life.
3. Dye my hair blonde (me too, June) I am half-Japanese, there is a reason why my hair was "made" this way and having straw on my head for the next year is not appealing.
4. I will never not make time for my family. This means, giving in to moments of insanity when your little cousin calls and asks you to ride a bike with him because he needs a guardian. "o.k." you say, thinking, this will be a nice, leisurely afternoon with him...until he tells you that he signed up for the 100k.
5. Give up who I am for someone else. enough said
jesse
I don't know if you have lost someone really close to you, but I've found that with all of these people that I have lost, I ALWAYS go back in my head and say, I wish I had had a chance to have THAT conversation with them. I don't know what that conversation is, necessarily, but it's more the things you see in movies, Like, the last talk before dying thing. So, we race remote control cars every Sunday and it was funny when we first started doing it because I went up to this man and asked him where he got his NASCAR stickers for his car. He answered me, but then left. A few minutes later, he came back and started talking to us, and welcomed us to come sit with him and his "team" in their tent. They were so interested in us and getting us interested in racing, it was really cool...we felt like celebrities. since then, we have developed a friendship with this man named Jesse. Turns out, he is a cancer survivor. The thing that impressed me the most about Jesse was his ability, after JUST meeting us, was the way that he felt comfortable talking about things. We told him that we were married, and he dropped waht he was doing and congratulated us and then proceeded to say that he wasn't just blowing smoke up our a$$, but that he thought that marriage was the most precious thing out there. He almost didn't have words for it, THAT is how much he valued his marriage. Anyway, many weekends went by and we saw Jesse every time...he'd have something new to tell us, usually having nothign to do with racing, but about life. We had always wondered what he did for a living and when Adam asked him, he laughed. He said, "Everyone always thinks that I grow some funky plants or something, but in reality, I sell briefcases". So, last weekend, we went to race and he wasn't there. He showed up midway through the day and was on oxygen and looked terrible. His wife was there for the first time ever and I thought I saw her crying at one point. Anyway, turns out they say that Jesse's cancer came back and just flooded his lungs. They gave him 6 months to live. He said he would be there this past weekend, and he wasn't there for the majority of the day, then he came, on oxygen again, with his wife, and bought this racing car that was all souped up, it was what he had always wanted. I helped him pack it up after everyone was done playing with it and we were just standing there and he says, "I'm getting another opinion, Cherie". I don't feel like I have 6 months...I think I have much more than that"Anyway, that started us talking. He said he was pissed that this doctor told him that he had 6 months, she didn't even know him or his body, what the hell did she know. He told me his wife had fallen apart, he had gone numb and then it hit him. We talked about family and what it meant to have them around. Then he said, "You two are my very good friends, I know that I haven't known you for years, but you are very very good friends" he said, "when I saw you guys sitting over there, I knew that I had to know mroe about you, you had this energy between you and I thought you would think I was just a crazy old fart, but I had to get to know you" I told him that I thought the same thing and then told him what had impressed me so much about our first meeting and his ability to be personal after just meeting us. He teared up and said, "Thank you for that". anyway, then he got up, and then came back and got down near me and said, "If I go and I'm not around, I have written that there are some things that you and Tony need to have. You cannot give them back to who gives them to you, they are yours." I told him that I wasn't getting them anytime soon, so that he needed to enjoy whatever it was for the years to come.
It is a wonder that people around actually have any self esteem. I don't understand how our society is so programmed into thinking that you actually HAVE to be with someone in order to be happy. Valentine's Day is the prime example. My friend and I were talking the other day about flowers. I said that I hadn't gotten flowers in probably 8 years or something. She was shocked. What is funny is that I didn't announce this to people over the years, but simply I guess haven't been with people that gave flowers. I explained that one incident in general marred my flower experience for life. I was 21 and my cousin took me out for a night on the town....we met these two guys, nice enough, but my cousin and I were really out just for us. We weren't trying to pick up on anyone at all, we were just dancing and having a good time. Anyway, we spoke to these guys for a little while and then at the end of the night, parted ways. The next day, this VAN pulls up about three houses down from ours. Mom and I were looking out the window and see this man...well, they were actually just legs and a plethora of roses coming at us. We were like, "Who are those for? Oooooh, someone must have done something right" Well, lo and behold the rose legs come to our house. They were from this guy from the night before. There were three dozen of them. Now, what got me the most, was not the romantic nature of the situations (which I didn't think it was), but more the fact that this guy must have spend hundreds on that for someone that he didn't even know. What I think happened is that my cousin told him my last name and for some reason, he thought I had money (which is NOT the case, clearly). It really was annoying more than anything, because at the age of 21, I felt that I owed this person to go out.
thinking of you
It is so nice to be thought of. I wrote to this person the other day and said, "I don't know why, but this really reminded me of you" They wrote back and said, "Why would THAT remind you of me? " Getting the idea that they were really peeved about it, I responded, "It was just witty and funny and true at times" They wrote back, "Thanks, it's nice to be thought of" VERY SARCASTIC. now, granted, the thing that I sent to them, wasn't the most PC thing I've ever seen. But, it wasn't like I was looking at a piece of crap and told them I thought of them because of it. It was this blog called "Stuff White People Like" So, I know we are all supposed to be hypersensitive about racial things. I get it, but it was just funny to read. So, for all of you out there that are sensitive about it....I'm sorry that I feel that hearing about how white people like shorts, Juno, performance clothing, Bad memories of high school, and threatening to move to canada. But, I do.
control
control and the feeling of the lack thereof is really the root of all evil. I think it is the basis of all that makes us fearful. lack of Control makes us say things that we don't really mean to say, just to show we are right. lack of Control makes us argue about things that we know are wrong, just for the sake of being right. lack of Control is what makes you say, "no, you can't do that" when you know very well...they CAN.
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